Saturday, September 30, 2006

Should Have Left The Light Off!

Years ago a prankster friend of mine hooked me up with a gorgeous female who had the sexiest and coolest walk in the world. The four of us partied the night away. We danced, we drank, and of course, we smoked. Later, we all agreed to continue the party at my friend's house. The atmosphere, the music, and everything was right, plus by that time I had a serious buzz on. Eventually, my date and I retired to the guest bedroom to call it a night and REST! I excused my self and went to the bathroom. When I returned to the guest bedroom, all the lights were out. Being the sneak that I am, I created some dumb reason to turn the lights back on. WOW! On the night stand was her wig, and without it she had the features of a young man. However, the real shocker was when on the floor beside her side of the bed was an artificial limb from the knee-down. Mind you, I'm not making fun of her, because not one of us is perfect. It's just that at that particular time in my life I wasn't prepared to deal with all of that, and I didn't have the charismatic knowledge to bow out gracefully. I refuse to continue on with part 2, but my friend the prankster got an ear full in part 3. THIS IS A TRUE HAPPENING!!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Viva Margarita

There was the woman I met at a Mexican Restaurant at 1:00 PM on a Sunday that was already drunk. She proceeded to drink two more 40 oz. Marguiritas (sp?) through the afternoon. She tried to hug everyone's kids, wanted me to buy her flowers, and it became apparent that she had more than one personality. One minute she'd be talking about her birds, then a grin would suddenly light up her face as she said "Fuck You!". I wasn't even saying anything at the time so it wasn't in response to anything I said or did. At one point she went to the bathroom in the basement of the place. After a half an hour had passed I figured she had slipped out the door, but she suddenly reappeared with perspiration on her face telling me the bathroom was several floors down and she had to walk really far. When I went to the bathrioom it was only a flight of stairs down, but after being exposed to several different personalities, some very pleasant, others from the Exorcist, I just took it in stride. We didn't order our food until around 4:00 PM, but I was fascinated by these abrupt changes and I was tempted to ask her if her personalities had different names. We finally left around 7:30 and she was far too drunk to drive. She didn't believe me until she fell onto the road. I waved a cab down and gave her a $20 bill. The next morning I got an email from her asking me where she parked her car. I told her it was in front of the restaurant, but I think she blacked out before she even got to the place. It turned out she had charged the cab on her credit card and went to a bar to drink some more before she went home. She told me she was a really nice person and wanted to go out with me again, but I turned her down.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Moving Too Fast!!!

I went out with this guy for the 1st time on a Friday,then he showed up Saturday afternoon ,without calling, and said he thought we should just order pizza and stay in. He also asked for a calculator and started asking me about my monthly bills so he could figure up his share!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Milkman

I went out on a a few dates with this one guy a few years ago. he seemed nice at first but after getting to know him, he was really strange and was attaching himself to me way too quickly. He obsessively called me many times after I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. Three months had passed and I had not heard from him in about two. I was now dating someone else and forgot all about the weirdo guy. It was summer time now and I went on vacation with my family. when I got home from vacation there was a brown package on my doorstep. My sister wanted to open it but i thought i had better do it..who knows what could be inside.
It had no return address..only his initials "R.P"
I ripped the box open and inside was a milk carton. The crazy guy had taken a picture of me of my AOL profile and glued it to the side of the carton. Under the picture read, "Have you seen this woman..missing since..and the date". Not only that but a 5 pages typed letter "not double spaced"..about how i was such a a horrible person and if i wanted to redeem myself I would meet him at a certain place, at a certain time. needless to say, I never showed did creep me out a bit though lol

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Got A True Bad Date Story?

Do you have a true, bad date story? Can we have it please? Then your story can join the ranks of such literary pearls as:
"Thankyou For Coming", "The Stain in Spain" , "If the Spew Fits" , "The Speed Date" , or my choice for most embarrassing date, "Stuck On You" . and of course the "Worst Date Ever",! C'mon, you know you want to, so just do it! ( bet you've heard that on a date before) Just send it as an e-mail at or leave it in the comments section below.

Another Short One...uh, story.

I went on a date and the girl started talking about her ex boyfriend having a 9 inch penis. It got worse from there. Check please!!!!!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Problem With Retrievers!

Editors Note: This may be the rudest, most foul and obscene story I've ever put on the blog...don't read it!
I swear this is true. It could only happen to me....
It happened last year. I went out on a date with a gal, (2nd one I think), we went back to her house after a night out of fun, every thing was going great... "UNTIL".. I had to go to the bathroom, #2, (doody), a BIG #2.
So, I excused myself and went into the bathroom and dropped one huge, long, hard log, this thing was at least 9" long and as thick as a rolling pin, what a relief, wow.
Then I went to flush it, WOULD NOT GO DOWN THE HOLE!!! Too damn big, now, I know I'm f---ed.... OH MY GOD! what the hell am I going to do?
I flushed 2 more times, the paper went around and down but not the turd! I was panicing...but, ya know, it was pretty firm so,
I carefully picked it up out of the bowl and threw it out the window.
Well, what else was I going to do?? I couldn't just leave it there, she would find it! Anyway, now everything was cool, problem solved! The sex was great and we fell asleep, whew...
Until, the morning when we got up!
Her dog needed to go out, so she let it out. Wouldn't you know, the temp. dropped that nite and the turd froze solid and the damn, stupid dog picked it up and brought it inside, right into the room where we were. I was like, "holy sh-t" look at that!
Well, she freaked, I was bustin at the seams and the dog was in trouble.. Wow, that was close.. I still laugh every time I think of this.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Bleeding Aussie!

Editors note: This came from a squeamish young reader in Perth, Australia:
My worst date was with this guy when I was 16 and he took me to a movie and dinner.The movie was great but I got a bit of popcorn stuck in my teeth, at dinner before our food arrived, so I went to the bathroom to got it out. When I went back out we were talking and he told me my gums were bleeding (I hate blood).So I got a tissue, wiped my mouth and , after seeing the blood on the tissue, fainted!... we never went out again

Monday, September 11, 2006

Mr Clean

A guy was desperate for a second date and offered to come round to clean my house because he saw I was home on MSN. I ended up with a beer in my hand watching sport on the telly while he finished the kitchen. It was hell.
Actually, it was, he ended up stalking me.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Short,& Stinky

It was a blind date. set up by a friend. I wish I never done it.
This short stinky wacko old guy showed up at my friends house to pick me up I thought I faint. I was wearing a short skirt and it took me 5 minutes to get on his truck.. they guy was so tiny you couldn't even see him driving that big truck. we even got pulled over by a cop . we ended up going to this club where they had billiards. so I insisted on playing a game since I didn't feel comfortable dancing with a midget whose eyes were sitting on my boobs. So we ended up playing pool and I found this girl next to us and hooked him up with her. She was very happy so was I .finally leaving this disasterous blind date. Don't go on blind datesQ!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Got A Bad Date Story?

Great! Can we have it? Please add it to the collection either by posting it in the comments section below or e-mail it to us at: We may edit it for content, all names will be changed to protect the innocent and we may publish it in other media in addition to this blog.
In the meantime, if you thought your date was bad, check out our archives. It's chock full of romantic tales like "If The Spew Fits" , "Who Doesn't like A Little Head?" and of course the very rude (but funny) "Thankyou For Coming"...ah, romance sniff,sniff...makes me a little misty.

Caught In The Headlights

Editors Note: I bet it was him!
Before I start, I want to make clear that this story isn't about me!
Back in my high school days I had a couple of buddys that were out cruising one night. Where I live is the county seat so alot of people from smaller towns came here on weekends. Back to story. My buddys picked up some girls from another town. They eventually went parking on a old dirt country road. My buddy in the backseat had to go to the bathroom #2 ! He told them he had to take a pee so he got out. Well a storm was trying to blow in that night. It was real dark because of the cloud cover, the wind was blowing, then it happend !! The lighting flashed, it of course lit everything up, well there was my buddy about 30 feet in front of the car looking right at them, TAKING A DUMP!!The other buddy that was there, said they were all in pain from laughing so hard.

Saturday, September 02, 2006


I had a friend that was engaged to an amazing good looking young man who had come from Italy and lived in this country (US) for like 10 years. Part of his family had stayed in Italy. My friend said her fiancee's brother was coming to the US and asked if we could double date.
I figured, what did I have to lose? The fiancee was hot and the brother was right from Italy--how romantic!
Well the fiancee had gotten all the looks and his brother spoke NO english and I spoke NO Italian. Plus the brother kept this very learing look going all night while he hung all over me, pawing at me and saying "kabeesh" (I'm not sure it's the right spelling but it means understand?) We went bowling and he even kept coming up behind me and putting his hand on my rear, rubbing it and saying one point he startled me so much I dropped the bowling ball on my foot!
So I got a broken toe and had to go to the hospital. Guess who kept grabbing my foot and trying to kiss my toe? God what a HORRIBLE night.......