Thursday, February 02, 2006

The Neverending Date (or Thankyou Uncle Bob)

I once lived in a rather large, cool fun American city and this is my story. One day, out of the blue, I recieved a call from this girl I used to know in my home town. She had hung around, a buddy of mine so by osmosis, I knew her too, but I'd never have called us close, or really even friendly. Anyway, she was coming to town for a big regional meeting and could we get together for dinner? I agreed and plans were made for the date of her arrival a few weeks away. Then, days before her arrival, she calls again , her schedule's changed, she has to be in town a day early but her hotels booked...can she stay the first night at my I should point out that A) I never really liked her that much and B) Nobody is EVER allowed in my place because C) That would mean I'd have to clean up, plus D) Sorry, but on the "Babe" scale she's a solid 3.5...maybe four without my glasses. But I digress...Anyway, stupidly I agree and my fate is sealed!
She arrives, we go out to see the sites, drink too much, back to my place and drink some more.She makes a couple of moves on me and (no kidding) I resist. Anyway, she shows me her boobs and everyone knows that's like catnip to guys so we're off to a night of drunken bonking. Followed by sweet unconciousness.
Dawn breaks. I slowly open one eye, hoping it was all a horrible dream, but no, she's make-up, snoring, with strings of spittle webbed between the top and bottom lip of her open mouth. Fortunately I have to go to work. So I shower, shave , dress and just before I'm ready to sprint out the door, I poke the sleeping beast (no, I mean nudge with my finger) and say "Off to work, call me from the hotel"...Work all day, cell phone stays quiet, great, maybe she wants to forget it too! Take the bus home guessed it, she's still there! Plus, she'd picked up some salady crap for dinner ,was calling me sweetie etc...AND she'd cancelled the hotel so WE could spend more time TOGETHER!! That meant another TWO NIGHTS in my place before her flight left...So, off to the liquor store I went....I'll spare you the details, but the two days dragged, on and on. No matter how late I worked she was waiting at the door, all chirpy and annoying....and no mention of the "meeting"either! Finally, flight day arrives,
once again I nudge her "Off to work" I say "Have a nice Flight!" and dash off to Starbucks where I kill two hours before I actually have to be at work.
Workdays over, I'm so happy to be free that I'm whistling as I open the apartment door and
WTF...she's still HERE! She's POSTPHONED the flight cause she doesn't actually have to be home for TWO WEEKS!! Now I'm nervous, was there even a meeting? Was there really a flight?
Do I really need anything in this apartment or can I just run away and never look back? At that very moment fate smiled upon me...her cell phone rang, she answered and burst into tears... it was her Mom with sad news. Dear old Uncle Bob, her favorite uncle had passed away suddenly and she had to get back home IMMEDIATELY! Heavy with fake sadness, I drove her to the bus station and we parted.... my final thoughts are these THANKYOU TO THE GUY WHO INVENTED CALLER ID AND THANKYOU TO MOTOROLA FOR MY NEW CELL PHONE AND THANKYOU TO MY NEW LANDLORD FOR NOT PUTTING MY NAME ON THE MAILBOX BUT MOST OF ALL

Got A Bad Date Story?

Great! Can we have it? Please add it to the collection either by posting it in the comments section below or e-mail it to us at: We may edit it for content, all names will be changed to protect the innocent and we may publish it in other media in addition to this blog.
In the meantime, if you thought your date was bad, check out our archives. It's chock full of romantic tales like "If The Spew Fits" , "Who Doesn't like A Little Head?" and of course the very rude (but funny) "Thankyou For Coming"...ah, romance sniff,sniff...makes me a little misty.

Just a reminder. The true story of the Worst Date Ever will be published here on February honor of Valentines Day!