Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Longest Shortest Date

Last night I went on one of the worst dates I have ever been on. It started a little after 7 and luckily ended well before 9:15.

I'm pretty sure this thirty two year old man was stoned out of his mind and had started drinking a good two hours before he met me. After half a beer and a full minute of pure silence he asked me to tell him something interesting about myself that he "never would have guessed". It was at that point I contemplated running.
After my vague and unenthusiastic response he wanted to share something interesting about himself. Well let me tell you what he started off with. He told me he was a smoker and I told him I though it was disgusting and I didn't date smokers. He then told me that it was actually the first day he quit smoking, pulled out a pack of Nicorette gum and then said that I would be his inspiration to quit. WOW.

I pounded the rest of my beer and prayed that dinner would be quick and painless. At the restaurant (which I frequent) he was incredibly rude to the waitress. After staring aimlessly at the menu he appeared to be irate because they didn't serve Japanese beer (It's a Thai restaurant) and so he made a scene as I sat in the corner hoping no one would recognize me or hold me accountable for his actions.

The check finally came and I told him I needed to call it a night. He asked me if I wanted a ride and I told him I was only a few blocks away and needed the exercise. When he asked which direction I was going I pointed in the opposite way of where I was actually headed and walked around the block so he wouldn't follow me or figure out where I lived.

I have another date Saturday night. If it is in any way comparable to this last one I am giving up on men altogether.