Saturday, May 27, 2006

If the Spew Fits...

Editors Note:Another repost from the archives:
I very rarely drink hard booze but on my first visit to my new boyfriends parents house, whiskey was all the Dad served...long story short, couldn't find the bathroom, did find my boots
(by the door), threw up into them, put them on, and asked to be taken home. Never saw the guy again and no kiss goodnight either...hmmm must not have liked my cologne.
Now my friends story is worse. The combination was beer, a very , very small bladder, very, very big house and bad directions to the bathroom. She ended up in the laundry room and as she explained "There was just no time left, I HAD to go!" So she lowered her panties, hiked up her skirt and tried to daintly "perch" on the side of the laundry room sink...after the loud crash, the whole family (grandparents too) rushed in to find my friend drunk, on her butt, skirt up by her head, panties by her ankles and lying amidst the remains of a broken sink! It must be love, because, amazingly, they invited her back!

A Stain In Spain

Editors Note: I've been going through the archives recently and decided that some of the stories were good enough to deserve a second posting, this is one of those:
Some years ago. a Welsh friend of mine was visiting the Spanish resort of Majorca where one morning he met a young French girl, also on vacation. They hit it off immediately and spent the day together laughing, drinking and seeing the sites. Later, after a very filling, spicy Spanish meal...and lots of Sangria, the time seemed right and he invited her back to his hotel. Arm in arm, they strolled along the beachfront to the rear of the hotel where, as a shortcut, he decided to climb over a small fence at the rear of the property. Always a gentleman, he helped the young lady over first and then attempted a manly, one handed vault to join her on the other was at this point, in midair, that his bowels betrayed him. As if the loud sound (we've all heard the stepped on duck analogy) wasn't bad enough. The unmistakable feel of a growing stain in the rear of his white, linen pants, plus the look of horror on his ladyfriends face, told him the date (like the stain) was at an end.

Crazy For You (or maybe just crazy)

After talking to this girl on the phone that I had met
from a newspaper singles ad we decided that since she
did not drive I would have to pick her up at her
house, violating my rule of always conducting the
first meeting in a neutral public place. since I
worked the evening shift after I got off of work one
evening we went to the only 24 hour restaurant that
was open, as if it was not bad enough when she started
talking to herself . It really freaked me out when she
started answering herself, having a conversation with
herself. I was expecting to see her head spin 360
degrees and for her to start spewing pea soup, like
the scene out of the movie The Exorcist. So needless
to say I got her home as soon as possible, I declined
her invitation to come in as I dropped her off,
claiming that I was too tired and practically laid
rubber trying to get away from there! Never to be seen
or heard from again!