Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Worst Date EVER!

Editors Note: When I first heard this story, I was skeptical. It was so horrifying, so painful, such a cruel twist of fate that I felt certain it couldn't be true. Since, as you know, we here at TheBadDate.com hold ourselves to the highest journalistic standards (cough, cough),
I actually did a little background investigation and apparently (with some minor variation) it IS true (the original, true story can be found in the book Emergency! by Mark Brown, M.D. published by St Martin's paperbacks) and so, without further ado, I am pleased to present
The tale begins with a well dressed young couple (lets call them Bob and Lisa) enjoying cocktails after a wonderful meal in one of the cities finest restaurants. The table was towards the rear of the half empty bistro and, feeling a little mischevious, Lisa smiled and slipped under the table to giver her beau a very special after-dinner treat. Bob felt his zipper being lowered by his frisky young sweetie and, as Lisa began to work her magic, Bob leaned back , smiled and sipped his wine." Ah", he thought, "life is good"... Now, unbeknownst to Bob, Lisa suffered from a condition which on very, very rare occasions would send her into a seizure, characterised by loss of consiousness, clenching and grinding of teeth accompanied by uncontrolled convulsions
Unfortunately, it was at this very blissful moment in Bobs life that cruel, cruel fate (we've all met that guy) decided to strike Lisa with just such a siezure. In the blink of an eye this dainty young girl, who had been so tenderly ministering to Bobs member, suddenly turned into a raging terrier from hell, eyes rolled back, head and body thrashing about uncontrollably, teeth now GRINDING, teeth now CLENCHING ... and Bobs weenie stuck right in the middle! So
( you have to forgive Bob for his next action because, after all, his weenie was being chewed off) at this point, our hero Bob, now mad with terror and pain, grabbed a salad fork and started jabbing at Lisa's head and tearing at her hair, in a frantic, but futile attempt to get her to release his tortured willie from her crocodile jaws. Eventually Lisa's condition subsided, she awoke and managed to transport herself and Bob to the local emergency room, where she was treated for multiple pucture wounds to the head and Bob had his uh, genitalia reassembled.
So what useful information can we gain from this story? First, although I have heard that some people, in the throughs of a seizure, should have something thrust
between their teeth...it is very important that we choose wisely the object that we intend to use for this purpose and second, for any women that may feel pressured to "perform"
this act and not enjoy doing so...you now have a nice bedtime story to read to your partner, perhaps accompanied with an involuntary eye tick :O)
Happy Valentines Day From THEBADDATE.COM !
Do you have a bad date story? Please add it to the collection either by posting it in the comments section below or e-mail it to us at: baddatesite@yahoo.com We may edit it for content, all names will be changed to protect the innocent and we may publish it in other media in addition to this blog.