Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Mothers Day

ok, the very worst date of my life. the guy comes to pick me up for a first date on mother's day. he says he is taking me out to dinner. his friends are driving the van he picks me up in and he sits up front and i am in the back. he shows me a picture of elvis that he bought for his mom and the surprise is that we are going to her house to eat. him, me and 3 of his friends. she lives in a tiny basement apartment, and two of her other sons live there with her and her cat. she looks and sounds like the lady that used to say "where's the beef"? on the tv commercial. i am allergic to cats. the place is full of cat hair. his brother starts a gigantic fight, the other guys are in the one bedroom, watching some kind of sports. I want to leave. i am offered a pickle for dinner. mother ate the sandwich. and the friends wont take me home until game on tv is over. i have an asthma attack. have to sit outside, i have to call a cab and ended up paying for my own cab ride home. the guy actually wanted to kiss me goodbye. I showed him my *** to kiss. lol true story.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

The Jerk

Went on a first date with this very nice looking man that I had met a few times through my job. He chose the restaurant, OK.. No problem..
We were looking at the menus and the waiter approached; The waiter ask if we were ready to order. My date politely answered that he was ordering for both of us. I listened as nicely as I could manage to him ordering seafood, which I am allergic to. Trying to maintain my manners, I spoke up and said to the waiter; "No, I will be having ....", I was rudely interrupted by my date, who again, said we would be having the seafood and that HE knew better than I what I would like.
Manners out the window at that point, I said "NO, you can have what you want, but *I* am having something else.
AGAIN, he told the waiter we were having the seafood. He said even though I was allergic to seafood, I would LOVE this dish, and women did not know what they liked anyway. ( The poor waiter was so embarrassed)..
I let the order stand.. Excused myself to the restroom, and walked out the front door and caught a taxi.. I caught up with friends, had a lovely evening and came home to about a dozen messages on my phone from Mr. Jerk, who was "worried" about me.
The JERK then had the nerve to call me over and over asking for another date!!!
*Right*.. When hell froze over..

Monday, October 16, 2006

Einstein at The Tractor Store

I went to Tractor Supply store with this guy who was a "cowboy". I guess this was his idea of a date. Well he got a headache and stopped in the gas station to get some medicine. He comes out with a thing of Tylenol PM. It was noon.
I said I hope you plan on taking a nap because that's going to make you sleepy. He started laughing at me and was like Honey this is Tylenol PM ... Its Noon that's 12PM you take regular tylenol at Midnight because that's 12 AM, regular tylenol is the kind that makes you sleepy.
Turned off by his sheer stupidity, but still turned on by the wrangler jeans, I went back to his house to watch a movie and about 15 minutes into it he was dead asleep. I snuck out the door and haven't seen Mr. Tylenol PM since

Friday, October 13, 2006

Scary Date

I went out with a guy who said he was a cop.
On our first and last date he showed me a gun that he was carrying in his belt hidden by a jacket. When I asked to see his badge he claimed that he didnt carry it for safety reasons...claiming that if anyone knew he was a cop he'd probably get killed. Dufus!! Yet, he had a gun on him....what a crock of crap!
Lucky I was calm and said a sweet goodnite from the very public place we met in. Yikes!!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

A Date Ending In Handcuffs #2

It was a blind date. My friend got us together.
He showed up on time, looked nice and was courteous. He met my parents and they thought he was nice, too. We had reservations at a restaurant close to my house.
We headed out and we were pulled over near the entrance to the restaurant. The cops took his ID, registration and also took my ID.
After a while, the cops started to get out of the car to come back to us. All-of-a-sudden my date opened the door and bolted. I didn't know what the hell was going on. One cop chased after him and the other cop pulled me out and handcuffed my hands behind my back.
Being handcuffed isn't good. The police like to keep them tightened up on your wrists. The cop that cuffed me pulled me aggressively back towards the squad car asking me all this crap about my so-called "boyfriend". OBVIOUSLY he wasn't my boyfriend. I barely knew him!!
The cop put me in the car and seatbelted me. He started searching the car when the other cop came back with my date in handcuffs. My date was swearing, spitting and trying to attack the cops. What a jerk.
They get him under control and put him into another police car that responded to their calls for help. I'm trying to situate myself in the seat and it's impossible.
The cops had the car towed and they brought me to the station. They finally took the cuffs off me and searched me. They printed me and took my photo.
I was then brought into a room where another cop and a lawyer were present. I was being charged with larceny of a motor vehicle and resisting arrest. Resisting arrest??
I'm trying to tell them I have no idea what the hell is happening. After a few hours, my date confessed to stealing the car and said I had nothing to do with any of it.
I was released and charges were dropped against me. I was innocent. He's currently serving two years for auto theft. He had been arrested for stealing cars in the past.
Always know who you're going out with and the vehicle they're driving. Handcuffs are TIGHT and UNCOMFORTABLE! take this to heart, you don't want to find out on your own.
I'm currently pursuing a lawsuit. I was falsely arrested and mistreated.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Her Agenda

She answered my personal ad...we decided to meet for lunch (after having spoken on the phone very briefly)...lunch consists of the usual stuff, what do you do, where do you come from, etc...turns out she is a teacher on leave, she spent the summer biking across canada, climbed a mountain, rafted the colorado, traveled across, taking a year off to do all the things she wanted to do before she got too old, she is 38, I am 44...of course I had little of that sort to serve up, but I did my best to cover my end...building my business, investing in a few things, kinda boring when you consider...and then, maybe half way through burgers she looks me square in the eye and asks, "so are you ready to have children"..."children?" I say..."yes, are you ready to have children, I'm 38 and I want to get started on a family immediately"...jokingly I said, "can it wait till after lunch" which she replied in a rather serious tone, "no problem, my place is about two blocks from here, we can start then"..."I was joking," I said, to which she replied, "I wasn't"..."huh?"...stunned I stumbled for a minute and just had to say children were not really something on my agenda and probably wouldn't be soon, if at which she got up (remember we are still in the middle of lunch, burgers half eaten, drinks half drunk), grabbed her coat and walked out without saying another word...