Monday, June 26, 2006

Mr Weeble

Editors Note: i used to work in radio and ALL the on-air personalities are either crazy, hideous, morbidly obese or sometimes all've been warned!
I had a guy friend online who seemed pretty smart and funny. He said he was a DJ at a radio station. We progressed to talking on the phone, and he had a GREAT voice . . . duh, he's on the radio!
We shared our deep, dark secrets and some sexual innuendo. I confessed that I have the hoarding/collecting form of OCD. He confessed at last that he had a food phobia, or an eating phobia. He told me the name of the disorder, but I've forgotten. The best I could understand it was that he had a phobia of solid food and a phobia of eating in public. I was like, okay, haven't heard of that before, but everybody has their something, you know?
Finally, he and I arranged to meet at a town between our two cities, at a restaurant, with the understanding that we would have a beverage and go from there. Oh, by the way, he has seen a photo of me. I have not seen a photo of him. I get there first and sit and wait. When he walks in, (and I am being very kind here) he is grotesque. He is extremely tall and extremely obese, kind of bottom-heavy, like a Weeble (wobble but don't fall down). And OLD-looking. I forget how old he is, but not that much older than I. He looks like he could be my father. He is doughy, with odd bulges everywhere. Everyone looks at him when he comes in. I am mortified and a little bit sick at my stomach that I have been trading leers with this person online and on the phone. At the same time, I feel horribly sorry for him. I can't just get up and walk out. He looks hopeful and is trying, I presume, to look friendly. We sit for hours and hours and talk. He drinks numerous iced teas. I finally am starving and order an omelet after checking to see if that would bother him, to watch ME eat. I am 100% sure that I am not going anywhere else with this person, so we sit and talk and time drags on. Finally I have to excuse myself, as I have some distance to drive home. I tell him it was nice to meet him and, because I feel so guilty/sorry for him, I give him an awkward hug in the parking lot.
I avoid him online and on the phone. He eventually leaves me an anonymous obscene hate message on my machine--I know it's him. The voice!! And I am very, very nervous for months afterward, because my friend tells me that, with an e-mail address and phone number, anyone can find your home address easily.