Friday, January 27, 2006


Well, I don't know if this counts because I never actually made it on the date, but anyway here's my story:
My work took me to visit this girls office about three or four times a week. Over the course of a few months we had gotten to know each other, joked around a bit and I felt a mutal attraction so I thought I would call and ask her out. No big deal, I've been out with many, many women. Have no problem talking with friends and strangers self esteem, high, (at least up to that point) the worst that could happen is she'd say no right? Wrong! Read on...I picked up the phone, called her office, was connected to her extension and got voice mail. As soon as her sweet voice said "Leave a message after the beep" For the first time in my 28 years I felt an actual full blown PANIC ATTACK! My hands started shaking, throat closed up, but still I had to press on,after all this was voicemail! So, in gasping , panting whispers I managed to grunt out the words and ask her out along with leaving my number for the call back. Day one, no call. Day two, no call. Day three, I'm back at her office. She's not at her desk (although possibly hiding under it) and her formerly friendly coworkers are being very cool indeed. Months went by and I didn't see her except for once when our eyes met across a distant hall and she actually turned and RAN! I was confused, but not too concerned and just continued to do my job. So fast forward a few more months and I'm explaining to my buddy what happened, her strange behaviour, along with the call and the panic attack...he started laughing and then, with a little too much glee, solved the puzzle for me..."They thought you were WHACKING OFF!" he said!
My face went pale, then it all made sense. The next day I shuffled some accounts with
another rep and never went back there again. It is my final hope that either that girl or one of her coworkers will read this and pass on my final message to her: I WASN'T! REALLY...I WASN'T, NO, I REALLY WASN'T ,IT WAS A PANIC ATTACK...HONEST!!

Editors Note: I bet he was...:O)

Under The Table

i have several doozies....but I think this is one of the better
ones....I had met this girl years ago and I wanted to take her out and show
her a nice night on the town...we went out to a bar called Brandys (dating
myself a bit there by naming it eh?) and had a really good couple of hours
and a few drinks...because i wanted to impress her I didn't drink very much
and was pretty much sober...we left the bar and were walking along in
lovely down town Halifax when some friends of mine drove by in a limo...we
hopped in and ended up driving around the town drinking rum and coke with
them for about 2 hours....I should mention that one friend is a well known
lawyer, another owns a reputable business in town and the other is the manager
of a bank; all respected and respectable citizens who certainly don't want
to be involved in something embarrasing, especially in public (this will
make more sense in a minute). At one point my friend Doug says that he is
hungry and we should all go to Alfredo Weinstein and Ho together for a meal.
Since my date and I were planning on exactly that before we ran into them,
we decided to all go together. My buddies are all wealthy men and were so
impressed with my date that they insisted on paying for our dinner. In
fact, they instructed us to order whatever we wanted on the menu,
regardless of cost. The five of us managed to order about $500 worth
of food and alcohol. To top it all off, my friend Mike was a waiter there
and had got us a really good table right where we could see and be seen by
ALL in the restaurant, on this busy weekend night. As the first course
arrived I suddenly felt a little faint, which Mike noticed as he was passing
by, because I looked so pale. Discretely he walked me to the bathroom and
helped me splash some cold water on my face. He told me to wait in the
washroom for five minutes and he would return to escort me back to the
table but after a while I started to feel really silly. I could SEE
the table from the doorway of the bathroom and also I could tell that Mike
was really busy so I thought "to hell with this, I'm a big boy and I feel
fine so I'm just going to walk over and sit in my seat"....oh boy....I got
about half way there when the heat of the room brought the dizziness back
ten times worse and I knew i was going to faint if I couldn't sit down. It
was too far back to the bathroom so I went straight for the table as
carefully as I could. I made it all the way there and was just in the process of
sitting down...I thought to myself "I made it!!"....but I missed the
seat as I sat down. So of course instinctively I grab for the first thing
in front of me, which is the table, or more specifically the tablecloth.
As gravity took its natural course I pulled absolutely everything on the
table onto myself as I lay dazed upon the floor. The entire restaurant was
so quiet that you could hear a PIN drop. My friends were completely
mortified as was my date,( You have never in your life seen 100 dollar bills
come out and people leave a restaurant so fast in your life, I guarantee it).
As to my date...she never called me again and I was too chicken to call her
(hi its the guy that pulled $500 bucks worth of food and liquor on
himself..wanna go out again??) addition it was years before my
friends went to dinner with me again.