Monday, October 25, 2010

Swing Dance Romeo

True bad date story ... met a guy thru newspaper personals. We meet at a restaurant that was next door to a dance hall. The guy shows up in FULL SWING DANCE REGALIA, white "zoot suit", wildly striped tie, wing tipped shoes and suspenders! He had a gap between his teeth that I could have parked a motor home in, and his glasses were as big as doughnuts, like from the 80s! As if that wasnt embarrassing enough, he pulls out a book titled "500 questions to ask on a date" and begins the inquisition. He then passes the book to me and expects me to find a question to ask him, to continue back and forth in this manner throughout dinner!

Needless to say, I declined his invitation to join him for swing dancing next door.

Friday, October 01, 2010

Don't Date Hobbits

I met Chris online, we chatted several times online and by phone he was very sweet and we agreed to meet. Big day finally came when he showed up at my apartment I was surprised to see he was not only significantly older than he said he was but significantly shorter... I only date guys who are taller than me being 5'0 that is never really an issue, until then. He was really short came up to my shoulder at best, hairy and old and reminded me more of a hobbit than the guy I saw in the pictures he sent (shots from the waist up, old pics of course). I really didn't want to go out now and told him "well you know what I am sorry but I don't think this is going to work out after all". He protested loudly I went back up to my apartment and he began to yell outside that we had a deal and I owed him a what deal? He then proceeded to take off his shoe and throw it at my window a couple of times while I hid out in my thankfully locked apartment.

Now I am with a guy who is 6'4" and keeps his shoes on.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Driving Mrs. Daisy

Alright so I went on a date yesterday with my boyfriend of 4 months. My day had been very hectic so imagine my relief when he said "I'm taking you out". Yay! some fun EXACTLY what I needed. He then asks if I would mind driving. ummm? I thought you were taking me out? but okay yeah I can drive. We arrive at the restaurant order drinks then his phone rings. He then proceeds to check his voicemail. He goes outside to return the call and chit chats for a long time. I start to wonder if he is going to come back. Eventually like 10-12 min later he does. I'm like is everything okay? yeah it wasn't an emergency. I try to get through dinner though it's clear I'm upset. Call me old fashioned but taking a long call at dinner when it isn't an emergency is just straight rude. The rest of the dinner is really awkward as a result. After dinner he asks me to stop by Lowe's and Target. I try to manage getting through his errands. He then asks if I can take him to Publix so he can pick up a gift card. At this point I'm completely exhausted (it's been hrs, at one point i had to watch him spend 15 minutes contemplating what caulk he needed). we get back to his place and unload all his purchases. I tell him I'm going home and he responds you don't want to spend more time with me? I responded No I just want to go home. I finally get home and wondered wth just happened to my friday night. I wish I had stayed home and painted my nails instead..

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Crazy Cat Lady

So my story starts off like anything innocent enough. I just entered college and ended a long-term relationship with my high school sweetheart. I made the mistake, while being barely 20 years old, of joining a dating website. I met a gentleman, who admitted right away that he was older than me. Okay, I was used to dating "older" guys (like 4 or 5 years older), but I didn't think much of it. He told me originally he was 28. We hit it off pretty well, exchanging e-mails and I agreed to meet him. I didn't have a car at the time, so he offered to pick me up. He told me he would take me to dinner and we could pick up a movie at Blockbuster and retire to his place to hang out. BIG MISTAKE! First off, he rolls up in a pick-up truck with his BROTHER driving. When I get into the truck, I was smashed into the tiny "back seat" while he looked at me with a backwards glance trying to talk to me. Oh, and the truck stalled twice on the half hour drive because his brother had a DUI, in which he had to use a breathalyzer every so often or the car would turn off! Anyways, we end up pulling to his place ... his mom's place. With his brother. I walk in and there are CATS everywhere! Strays, actual house cats, feral cats, you name it, they were there. I have two cats myself but this was ridiculous. His mother was in the living room, smoking, telling me how nice of a butt I had in my jeans. He then proceeds to make us all spaghetti and I got to sit surrounded by cats and his family relentlessly complimenting me on every aspect of me. After we ate, we ended up watching the Matrix on USA and his brother drove us home. Oh, and did I mention that he admitted to actually being 32 years old, not 28?! A big no-no. Anyways, he asked to kiss me and I politely declined. He contacted me a few months later saying he got a car of his own, but still lived with his mom. I declined, but boy, when you are 32 and living with your mom, the last thing you do is have your DUI-convicted brother pick up someone you see as "wife-material." Wow!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Longest Shortest Date

Last night I went on one of the worst dates I have ever been on. It started a little after 7 and luckily ended well before 9:15.

I'm pretty sure this thirty two year old man was stoned out of his mind and had started drinking a good two hours before he met me. After half a beer and a full minute of pure silence he asked me to tell him something interesting about myself that he "never would have guessed". It was at that point I contemplated running.
After my vague and unenthusiastic response he wanted to share something interesting about himself. Well let me tell you what he started off with. He told me he was a smoker and I told him I though it was disgusting and I didn't date smokers. He then told me that it was actually the first day he quit smoking, pulled out a pack of Nicorette gum and then said that I would be his inspiration to quit. WOW.

I pounded the rest of my beer and prayed that dinner would be quick and painless. At the restaurant (which I frequent) he was incredibly rude to the waitress. After staring aimlessly at the menu he appeared to be irate because they didn't serve Japanese beer (It's a Thai restaurant) and so he made a scene as I sat in the corner hoping no one would recognize me or hold me accountable for his actions.

The check finally came and I told him I needed to call it a night. He asked me if I wanted a ride and I told him I was only a few blocks away and needed the exercise. When he asked which direction I was going I pointed in the opposite way of where I was actually headed and walked around the block so he wouldn't follow me or figure out where I lived.

I have another date Saturday night. If it is in any way comparable to this last one I am giving up on men altogether.

Friday, April 16, 2010

An Evening with Dr Jekyll

I just went on a date with a guy who was a total gentleman at first. We ordered dinner, had a few drinks and the conversation was great. Towards the end of the date he asked me if we were ready to leave. I said yes, the bill came, and I assumed that he would be the one paying for the dinner. He then asks me, "So you're coming back to my place to watch a movie, right?" I was confused and said, "..Well, no. I'm tired and I need to go home. Besides, I don't go home with guys on the first date." He then proceeded to insult me non-stop, saying that I had mental issues and baggage, he said that I was an idiot, stupid, slow, and claimed that I was upset because I turned down the best thing that I could have had. HA! My lack of sympathy for him made him even more upset. He made me pay half of the bill, which included his steak dinner and 2 shots of Patron. The entire night he harassed me with more insults through text, so I had to block his number. Wow. Just wow.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Ass Pilot

The actual date was pretty bad. he didnt want to go to a restaurant or movie, just to the bar. so I agreed to meet him there. somehow he managed to only say a few really ridiculously stupid things durring our date. my favorite was a story that started out as, " I once flew a plane by myself." and then, after several changes of his story, became, "I once touched the controls of a plane while it was on the ground." way to go guy! I paid for all of my own drinks and when I told him it was getting late and I was going to call a cab and go home, he came back with, "alright! we are going back to your place!" so I explained that i was going to go home alone, he pulled out his phone and called his buddy and said into the phone, "hey, ya, this isnt happening you wanna go to the other bar? okay, i'll meet you in 10 minuets." then he starts to walk away and as im left standing there with my eyes wide in disbelief, he yells from across the street, "are you sure you dont wanna take me home!? im a sure thing!!!" so needless to say, i went home, alone, only to be woke up at 4am to a picture message from was a picture of his bare ass. I assure you i did not do/say anything that would have lead him to believe I would appreciate that.