Saturday, April 28, 2007

Fishing For Love

I met this guy who seemed really nice. He asked me out for dinner at what he called a nice restaurant. I met him at the restaurant. He proceeded to order for us (I did pick my own salad dressing) and he decided we would split the entrees. When the food arrived he used his thumb and fork to split the food. It was veal parmagina and eggplant parmigaina. He slopped it between the two plates while spouting a bunch of crap about getting in touch with my inter child and how much fun we were going to have going fishing. You will be happy to know that he carries an extra pole in his trunk so it is at the ready. After the meal when the check came I put money on the tray and he told me it was on him and to just leave the tip. I insisted on paying my half plus the tip and that I had to leave. He picked up the money, shoved it in his pocket and put his credit card on the tray. He proceeded to skoot around in the booth pushing me into the wall under a cheap reproduction of Venice. He tried to start making out with me at eight on Saturday night in a family takeout. I told him I wanted to leave...he wouldn't budge. I insisted that he take the leftovers home. He wanted to show me his classic customized car. It was some American made piece of crap with fake leapord skin floormats. It was the worse 75 minutes I have ever spent in my life. He called everyday for two months saying we were meant to be together on my machine...thank God for caller ID. He showed up at my club and favorite after work haunts to surprise me. Finally, after several attempts to be civil and tell him I was busy I had to get rude. It was the worse hour and fifteen minutes of my life.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Mr Persistant

I met this guy on the beach and it turned out he lived in my neighborhood. So we exchanged numbers and a few days later, I invited him to join me and my friend for drinks at the local bar. All was well, except that I had to take a call from a very sick (cancer) friend of mine. My gf said he would not stop asking who I was talking to, what I was saying, etc. But we all had a good time and I liked him.

Over the next couple weeks, I was running back and forth to the beach every chance I had...I have a little girl, so whenever she was at dad's, I was at the beach. During this time, Mr. Man was texting/calling me furiously several times a day every chance HE got. It got to be REALLY annoying. I mean to the point where I wasn't sure if I wanted to go out with him at all. I had explained to him the multitude of things I had on my plate (the upcoming new school year, ongoing custody issues and court, physical therapy for an injury, etc.), but it didn't faze him at all.

SO. We had planned on going out to dinner the last night that I had free before my daughter came back from her vacation with dad, and then she and I were going on vacation for two weeks. He called me (I was at the beach) and talked my ear off. The kicker was when he said he missed me. Um, I've known you for two weeks, seen you once, and you MISS ME?! Whatever. I really didn't want to go out to dinner, I wanted to stay where I was, but I felt like I had made a promise to him, and I don't break promises. We didn't have a set time for the date, but I told him I'd call when I got home.

I drove home, and took a long, hot shower. I guess three weeks of driving back and forth to the beach (an hour away) and taking care of my child really hit me, as I ended up passing out on my bed, naked. I could vaguely hear my phone ringing downstairs, but I was too exhausted to get up.

I was awoken to a furious pounding on my front door. I mean, FURIOUS. I thought, OMG, my house must be on fire! I jumped up, threw some clothes on, my still-damp and now sweaty waist-length hair a tangled mess, and ran downstairs. There at my door was Mr. Man, all decked out with a bottle of wine and a gift for me, all ready for dinner. He says, "Oh, thank God, my heart is pounding! I thought you were laying in there murdered!" Oh my God. I got out of the date but he continued to call me and text...and stop by my house...even though I didn't respond or answer the door when it was obvious I was home. I finally sent him a SCATHING email (my guy friends said they would cry if a girl sent them that) but that STILL didn't stop him...until one of my biggest, scariest guy friends paid him a visit...

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Dull Date

I was 19, fresh out of Army boot camp and working at a publix as stock I get a date with this asian chick. Totally hot, in college and about 20. I wanted to go to a go-kart park but when the night came she said I'll have to come over to her place? I went and apparently her parents wouldn't let her go out. I go with the flow and we talk, then her parents, strict Christians, start to INTERVIEW me.

Asking what I do, what's my education, what I'm interested in and where do I see myself in 10 years, etc etc. I go with it in stride and strum up a good conversation with her Dad.

FINALLY the parents say "oh we are going out for icecream and we'll leave you two alone".?? Good God, so I strike up a conversation that dies quickly so I suggest playing chess (at my wits end, she was a dead fish) and she said she doesn't know how to play.

I ask her what she does like... baseball. Ugh I hate baseball. She said she'd like to go in the next room and watch the game with her brothers, etc. So I finally just split. I didn't even say I'd call, just bye, thanks for nothing.
Complete waste of my time!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Big Spender

He showed up in a old hatch back, rusted bucket of car. with stick on chrome and fake rims... he tried to bribe the hostess at the restaurant with a FIVE!! OK.,. this was a four star restaurant... he tried to order alcohol , he was under-age, and tried to use the same five to bribe the waiter... then.. he wanted to go to a kegger that was being thrown by a "friend of a friend".. so he didn't actually know the person who was having the party.. then..when he took me home.. he asked me.. "so you wanna make out?" I had my roommate's boyfriend tell him to hit the road.. god.. it makes me laugh just remembering it!!