Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Got A Bad Date Story?

Do you have a true, bad date story? Can we have it please? Then your story can join the ranks of such literary pearls as:
<"The Stain in Spain" , "If the Spew Fits" , "The Speed Date" , or my choice for most embarrassing date, "Stuck On You" . and of course the "Worst Date Ever",! C'mon, you know you want to, so just do it! ( bet you've heard that on a date before) Just send it as an e-mail at or leave it in the comments section below.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Is It Love That I'm Feeling? (Nope...Food Poisoning)

I have been single for about 6 years and, though I go out often, never have found someone that I wanted to spend more than an evening or two with.Well I met a nice woman that is a sister of one of my friends.We talked and decided to go out on a double date with my friend and his wife.We chose a pizza place to eat at and have a few beers.As we were waiting for our food we had some very good conversation and laughs which was really setting the mood for a great evening.When the food arrived we each ate our fill of pizza.We decided while eating that we would go to the mall and look around.As we were walking around my stomach started making some very strange noises like it was time for a REALLLLLLY needed bathroom break.I mentioned that I needed to go to the restroom and as luck would have it everyone else had to go too.Long story short we all had a mild case of food poisioning and each of us had a very hard time getting out of the mall and back to another bathroom without having a very bad accident.It ain't funny driving about 15 miles through town at 8:30 on a Saturday night with a bad stomach and not enough restrooms around.I don't think my date cared for the suggestion we should stop and use the woods in a small park next to the road.It wasn't very romantic hearing her in the only bathroom at a gas station groaning and making all kinds of foul sounds behind closed doors.While waiting for her to finish her business I had to go behind the gas station and she got mad at me for being disgusting.So much for our first date,never did get a second date.My friend told me that she couldn't face me after the way that night went

Monday, November 20, 2006

Crazy For You...or just crazy

I had been talking to this girl online a few times, though nothing came of it. One day in the mall she recognized me from my picture, and I asked her out on a date. The big day soon came, and we just met at the mall and had a meal, and during the meal i started to realize that this woman was not exactly what you might call.. -how to put this - even mildly interesting. We then went to a movie of her choosing, "I still know what you did last summer". No offense to those who are fans, but this movie blew, I mean it blew donkey balls.

In and of itself this was no big deal, except that my date was thoroughly enjoying it, from begining to end. She laugh at moronic jokes, screamed at scenes my little sister wouldn't think were scary, and thought the plot was great. Strike two.

By now, I realized that I didn't want to go on another date, or evenspeak to her again, but I tried to hide my displeasure. Neither of us own a car, and she said she was going to walk home. Seeing that it was about to rain, I decided to at least try and be a gentleman and so asked where she lived and if she wanted me to walk her home. She said she just lived a "little ways over there" and would like me to walk with her.

Little did I realize that "a little ways over there " was 3 miles away. Ofcourse by now it's pouring rain, and I am soaked from head to toe. We arrive at her house, and I ask if I can come in and call a cab. She says no, she is afraid we'll wake her parents, and that she'll call for me. She goes in. Minutes pass. More minutes pass. The rain gets even harder.

Finally I get sick of awaiting and knock on the door, which opens to reveal a not unattractive young woman. "May I help you?" So I explain who I am and why I'm standing there on their front porch getting rained on, and she quickly brings me in. We call the cab, which never comes, so the sister and her boyfriend graciously give me a ride back to my barracks, with apologies on behave of her sister (whom I haven't see since she went inside, and who has either forgotten about me or wants to pretend I'm not there)

Now, I don't claim I am prince charming or that i made a great impression either, but on the trip back, the pair heard my story and explained to me that my date is what some might call "special" or in clinical terms "batshi* crazy". With this I thanked the sister and boyfriend and taking no chances, had them drop me off a couple blocks away from my place; a little wiser, and a lot wetter.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I met this man on a dating site, he and I e-mailed each other back and forth and talked on the phone for a month or so, and he finally asked me out. I agreed and he had asked me to go to A nice dinner at the Mandalay Bay in Oxnard, and walk along the beach, I agreed it sounded like fun. And very romantic.

Well. the morning of the date (friday) he called me and said he had gone to the mall and bought me a gift, (Okay now i felt guilty because something told me to flake on the date so now I felt obligated), so he tells me he is going to pick me up at 7pm, well he was late m "he got lost" no big deal it happens. He gets here, and I go out to his car, (now keep in mind he told me he drove a Jeep Cherokee 2006), he shows up in a brand new FORD TAURUS, okay I can get over that and the reason I know it was his because it had the registration in the window still. Okay now I am in the car and he has wore a suit and tie in the middle of the summer., I am thinking maybe I should of just flaked, but hey lets get this over with.

So we are talking and we get on the freeway, and he tells me that he could not get any reservation at the Mandalay Bay and that we are going to go somewhere else as a suprise. I do not like to be suprised by someone that I really don't know. Thank god for cell phones....
Okay so I am still trying to be nice and we are driving and talking, I finally ask where we are going, he says to a place in ventura, okay that narrowed it down for me, I ask again, and he says to a different hotel. Okay STOP wait a minute we were going to dinner. I am now texting my best friend to get me the hell out of here LOL, it is bad. I am trying to remember names of roads and streets LOL, So i ask where we are going to DINNER, and he says lets go to the hotel first and then we can go to dinner it is 8:30 I haven't ate all day and I am starving, so I tell him NO, I think dinner is good first so we finally agree to dinner, I should of went with my gut instinct.
So we get off the freeway and he pulls into DENNY'S for dinner, I thought to myself DENNY'S you gotta be kidding... DENNY'S I am now done, so I excuse myself from the table and go to the bathroom and call my friend and we did the sick phone call thing, she said that my son fell down her strairs and broke his arm and they were on their way to the ER. LOL, I started to "panic" on the phone and cry, lol, he totally bought it. He took me straight home to go see my son. Now remember at the very beggining of this whole story where he told me he bought me a "suprise" LOL, well he didn't buy anything he had stole a robe from some hotel in vegas and brought it to me.. Now that was the kicker of it all... LOL. I hope that this gets in at least the top 10 of bad dates....

Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Sleazy Husband Fixer-Upper

Editors Note: A big thankyou to the beautiful and mysterious Sadie who allows me to use segments from her blog OystersandBeer for highly recommend her blog, but be forewarned it, like this post, often contains adult situations and, under stress, the ocassional bad word has been known to slip from her rose petal on to her latest bad date:
One time a friend of mine invited me over for a small dinner party she and her husband were throwing. Her husband had a guy friend who was single, and they had the idea to fix me up with him. Without telling me, of course; don't you love it how people work those things out, a husband and wife invite six people over for dinner, four of them are couples and the other two just happen to be single people of the opposite sex? Yeah, so it was a fix up. Which ended up not working out.

But the really bad part of the night was the way my friend's husband, the sleazeball, acted. He was totally flirting with me. Every chance he got to talk to me one-on-one he took. I kept telling myself "oh he's just overly friendly, he's drinking a lot, he likes to try to make people laugh, it's nothing really." But I knew better; the sleaze was totally trying to impress me and hang out with me. And not giving his friend a chance to talk to me, either.

When it actually came time to sit down to dinner, the sleazeball husband had me sit next to him - - and had my pseudo-date sit way on the other end of the table, next to the sleaze's wife. Now, I've never really liked this guy; I've always wondered how my friend could have ever married him. He treats her like crap half the time, but he acts so jolly when he's being a dick to her that I wonder if she even realizes that he's really being a dick to her. He kept ordering her around, telling her to do all kinds of stuff for their guests; "get up and get so-and-so such-and-such," even though the thing he wanted her to get was right behind him, and he could have much more easily gotten it himself, that kind of little thing. Then when he was serving everyone's plates, he said in a way that I guess he figured was a gracious host kind of way "oh Sadie, your steak looks pretty done, you said you like yours medium-rare; hey, wife, hand me your plate, yours is more medium-rare," then he actually took his wife's plate and, over my objections, cut her steak in half and gave the rarer half to me, then gave my more done half to her. It was just kind of crass, especially with the way he talks to her, like she's nothing. And he kept giving me looks and winking at me and joking with me the whole time.

Then comes the thing that is the sleaziest thing ever. After everyone was seated, and all the plates were served, he said "let's say the blessing. Everyone hold hands." So I had to hold his hand while he said a blessing over our dinner. And then, while he was holding my hand, and while he was saying a blessing, he did it. With the hand that was holding my hand, he took his middle finger, slipped it down so that it was touching my palm, and made teasing little circles in the middle of my palm with his middle finger.

I was aghast. (A) It was sleazy; (B) this was my friend's husband!

Now I don't know what other people would do in this situation, and I don't know what he expected I would do. Maybe he thought I would make eyes at him and then, later on, arrange a time and place to fuck him or something. But instead, I did the only thing that a drunk me could think of to do: as soon as the blessing was over, right after everyone said "amen," I yelled out, loudly, for the whole room to hear: "Oh my God, were you just diddling my palm with your middle finger in the middle of the fucking blessing?!?!"

I smiled and laughed as I said it (very loudly), and everyone else laughed, and totally made fun of him.

I have no idea what my friend, the sleazeball's wife, felt about that, because she and I never talked about it. But I think, at least I hope, that I made him look like the asshole that he is to everyone sitting around the dinner table. And that his wife at the very least didn't fuck him herself for a long time after that.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

What's Your Story?

Do you have a true, bad date story? Can we have it please? Then your story can join the ranks of such literary pearls as:
"Thankyou For Coming", "The Stain in Spain" , "If the Spew Fits" , "The Speed Date" , or my choice for most embarrassing date, "Stuck On You" . and of course the "Worst Date Ever",! C'mon, you know you want to, so just do it! ( bet you've heard that on a date before) Just send it as an e-mail at or leave it in the comments section below.

Big Spender

I had a blind date once with a guy who asked if I could pick him up because he didn't have a car. He sounded really nice over the phone. We met at the local hang out which was a small town drive in burger place 20 miles out of town, then went to a flea market! He didn't offer to pay for anything of mine, not even the coke I had. Come to find out, his license h/b suspended for DWI, he still lived with his parents (we were both mid 40's), h/b divorced several times, and couldn't hold down a job. When I left, he had the nerve to ask me if we could see each other again!