Friday, January 27, 2006

Under The Table

i have several doozies....but I think this is one of the better
ones....I had met this girl years ago and I wanted to take her out and show
her a nice night on the town...we went out to a bar called Brandys (dating
myself a bit there by naming it eh?) and had a really good couple of hours
and a few drinks...because i wanted to impress her I didn't drink very much
and was pretty much sober...we left the bar and were walking along in
lovely down town Halifax when some friends of mine drove by in a limo...we
hopped in and ended up driving around the town drinking rum and coke with
them for about 2 hours....I should mention that one friend is a well known
lawyer, another owns a reputable business in town and the other is the manager
of a bank; all respected and respectable citizens who certainly don't want
to be involved in something embarrasing, especially in public (this will
make more sense in a minute). At one point my friend Doug says that he is
hungry and we should all go to Alfredo Weinstein and Ho together for a meal.
Since my date and I were planning on exactly that before we ran into them,
we decided to all go together. My buddies are all wealthy men and were so
impressed with my date that they insisted on paying for our dinner. In
fact, they instructed us to order whatever we wanted on the menu,
regardless of cost. The five of us managed to order about $500 worth
of food and alcohol. To top it all off, my friend Mike was a waiter there
and had got us a really good table right where we could see and be seen by
ALL in the restaurant, on this busy weekend night. As the first course
arrived I suddenly felt a little faint, which Mike noticed as he was passing
by, because I looked so pale. Discretely he walked me to the bathroom and
helped me splash some cold water on my face. He told me to wait in the
washroom for five minutes and he would return to escort me back to the
table but after a while I started to feel really silly. I could SEE
the table from the doorway of the bathroom and also I could tell that Mike
was really busy so I thought "to hell with this, I'm a big boy and I feel
fine so I'm just going to walk over and sit in my seat"....oh boy....I got
about half way there when the heat of the room brought the dizziness back
ten times worse and I knew i was going to faint if I couldn't sit down. It
was too far back to the bathroom so I went straight for the table as
carefully as I could. I made it all the way there and was just in the process of
sitting down...I thought to myself "I made it!!"....but I missed the
seat as I sat down. So of course instinctively I grab for the first thing
in front of me, which is the table, or more specifically the tablecloth.
As gravity took its natural course I pulled absolutely everything on the
table onto myself as I lay dazed upon the floor. The entire restaurant was
so quiet that you could hear a PIN drop. My friends were completely
mortified as was my date,( You have never in your life seen 100 dollar bills
come out and people leave a restaurant so fast in your life, I guarantee it).
As to my date...she never called me again and I was too chicken to call her
(hi its the guy that pulled $500 bucks worth of food and liquor on
himself..wanna go out again??) addition it was years before my
friends went to dinner with me again.


Anonymous said...

Get over yourself, buddy. You present yourself as pompous and narcissistic...

Anonymous said...

Are we supposed to be SO impressed by your important pals and names of restaurants? They may impress you, but the rest of us think you're a dimwit.