Monday, September 04, 2006

Got A Bad Date Story?

Great! Can we have it? Please add it to the collection either by posting it in the comments section below or e-mail it to us at: We may edit it for content, all names will be changed to protect the innocent and we may publish it in other media in addition to this blog.
In the meantime, if you thought your date was bad, check out our archives. It's chock full of romantic tales like "If The Spew Fits" , "Who Doesn't like A Little Head?" and of course the very rude (but funny) "Thankyou For Coming"...ah, romance sniff,sniff...makes me a little misty.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I was set up on a blind date by a good work frien of mine who knows I'm gay and looking for a meaningful relationship. He rings the dorbell, and i thouht for moment my friend from work was screwing with me. He's accompanied by a seeing eye guide dog, his mother, and he has on those Ray Charles wrap around black glasses and turns out he's really blind. I invit his entourage in, and it all went oh so terribly wrong from that moment on. I had the rom darkened and candles lit romanticaly and had a platter of hors douvres on the coffee table an a bottle of white wine in an ice bucket. The mother sits across from me, describing me to her son, and then he starts running his fingers all over my face and then down to my body parts while his mother watched on. Meanwhile, the dog is growlng at me, jumps up to the coffee table and scarfs down the plate of hors doevres while his mother takes the bottle of wine and not using a glass, downs half of it in an amazing gulp. Then she burps, the dog farts and my date takes off his jacket and lo and behold, he has a mechanical left arm that he now deploys all around me. The mother gets up to use the bathroom, the dof pees on the carpet and his cold steel arm creeps me out. I tell him I think this date is over and I wanthtem to leave and he goes to get his mother. She's found unconscious in my bedroom, on my bed with the empty wine bottle laying on the floor. He says she'll have to spend the night ater several attempts to rouse her. He then proceeds to get into bed with her, and I leave them alone and have to sleep on my own couch. Come morning, Mother wakes me to ask me what time am I making them all breakfast. I throw her her coat and tell her mcDonalds is down the road and to et out. She retrieves my dream date from hell and his dog, who has now shit on my bedroom rug as well. He tries to kiss me goodbye, but I shove him out the door. Two hours later he calls to ask when we could do it again, and I tell him I only have one week to live and its going to be a celibate, isolated one and never to call me again. When I went to work on Monday, and my friend asked sincerely how the date went, I handed her the cleaning bill for my carpets and she had to uy me lunch for an entire month before I would forgive her.