Lobster Guy

I had a guy from Orlando take me to Boston Lobster Feast, which is a pretty awesome place to go! ( all you can eat lobsta! ) He insisted we get there by a certain time, ( like right when they opened the front door. He insisted we sit at a particular table so he could see the lobsters come out of the kitchen piping hot.. he insisted I get nothing to drink but water, as it would fill me up, then leaving LESS room for the losbter... and then after listening to him tell me how he was suspended from teaching high school pending an investigation, (cause he got arrested when the police pulled his car over while speeding, being driven by a prostitute who was in the car with him, without a license and she of course, had drugs on her) and watching him strap on his feed bag for about three hours, he asked me to pay half the bill and half the tip. Then he took me to a lake down the street, where I payed for the parking and tried to get me to walk around the lake at a swift pace ... ( 3/4 mile around the lake. ) I made it a half lap, sat down and smoked a cigarette while he finished his walk. When he was finished we drove back to his place so I could drop him off. On the trip he told me I was "pudgy" and should have walked and smoking would kill me. Ah, btw, he was wearing a Florida Marlins T shirt, green socks and reddish colored shorts and black tennis shoes with velcro, but they were WAY outta date.( Like 1980) When I pulled in the drive way, he said.... " So you wanna come in and give me a B***J** or what? I don't think this guy ever batted an eye when he said that or to this day has no clue what a total WAD he is....

The Marlins Fan

I had a guy from Orlando take me to Boston Lobster Feast, which is a pretty awesome place to go! ( all you can eat lobsta! ) He insisted we get there by a certain time, ( like right when they opened the front door. He insisted we sit at a particular table so he could see the lobsters come out of the kitchen piping hot.. he insisted I get nothing to drink but water, as it would fill me up, then leaving LESS room for the losbter... and then after listening to him tell me how he was suspended from teaching high school pending an investigation, (cause he got arrested when the police pulled his car over while speeding, being driven by a prostitute who was in the car with him, without a license and she of course, had drugs on her) and watching him strap on his feed bag for about three hours, he asked me to pay half the bill and half the tip. Then he took me to a lake down the street, where I payed for the parking and tried to get me to walk around the lake at a swift pace ... ( 3/4 mile around the lake. ) I made it a half lap, sat down and smoked a cigarette while he finished his walk. When he was finished we drove back to his place so I could drop him off. On the trip he told me I was "pudgy" and should have walked and smoking would kill me. Ah, btw, he was wearing a Florida Marlins T shirt, green socks and reddish colored shorts and black tennis shoes with velcro, but they were WAY outta date.( Like 1980) When I pulled in the drive way, he said.... " So you wanna come in and give me a B***J** or what? I don't think this guy ever batted an eye when he said that or to this day has no clue what a total WAD he is....

Was My Face Red!

An old high school sweet heart called me because she had moved to the same area I had moved to. We set up a date for the upcoming Friday. I was a welder at the time and that friday at work I was putting together alot of small items, which required me to hold the parts in place and tack welds them. Well, this exposes your face to alot of weld light, and I usually put on a strong uv sun tan lotion to get a good sun tan from it. But, I forgot and ended up getting a terrible sun burn, but didnt notice it untill I was about two miles from her apartment later that nite. I looked in the mirror and saw my face was beet red, I wrinkeled my nose and it hurt so I knew I had gotten flash burnt pretty good. (Its called flash burn in weld shops). My eyes were starting to get very red also and to burn and tear as I got out of my car and headed for her door. I could'nt beleive my luck! She opened the door, and she was even more beutifull than when we dated in high school. She looked at me kinda weird and said cmon in. She had a roommate who looked about 5 years older, and who said skeptically, hi you all right? This flash burn was getting worse by the minute and I felt my eyes wetting and tearing more as I kept wiping them. I told them what happened, but I must have looked like a crazed crack addict desperate for love who had fallen asleep under a sun lamp. Her room mate kept whispering to her in the kitchen and came out and told me I had better leave! Her roommate! Now I am not a bad looking guy and dated some very desirerable women, had a new car and even though my date was good looking she was no where out of my level mentally or physically. Not to have a bit of mercy and humility towards a guy who had a bad day, but still made it to the date on time even though it was obvious the date was going to be a wash was just to cold blooded for me, and letting her roomate "mother theresa" lay it on me to boot was humiliating. I looked at her and said "Thanks" and walked out.Thats it.

Shaggin' Blue...not

My worst first date was about 3 years ago. I still remember the details clearly however, like it was yesterday. Prior to the first date, we met at my old digs out at the state line. The name there has changed, as the owners have…but the name it USED to go by was Kelly’s. It was a hick bar… (Yes I own up to going there!) and the best bar in the area assuming you could tolerate country music. Anyway, I am not here to sell the bar to you. What happened was AT the bar. I met a supposed gentleman there, and I use the term lightly now…unlike then, when I didn’t know better. I will not stoop to use names in this, so I will continue on and just call him BLUE, as this was the color pickup he drove. Blue approached me in the bar, seemingly sober enough, and after a few dances, and a few drinks bought by him, acquired a phone number to call me for a real date. Reasonable request by all standards, as far as I was concerned. The night ended, and we went out separate ways.
That was the information on how we met. NOW…I didn’t hear from Blue for three months after
that night, until out of nowhere, I got a phone call. Glory be!! It was Blue! Supposedly he had
been out of town and busy the last few months with the construction business he was working
for. (Turned out that he was working the site down the road from my work) No biggie. It wasn’t like he was obligated or anything. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and a date and time was
set for the “Real First Date”.
That Saturday, it was decided that we would hit a movie, and go from there. Normally movies are poor first date material in my opinion, but ok…we had already met. My first hint that this wasn’t to be a night to remember was the license plate on his truck. It read “SHAGGIN”. Oh no!! I believe the first thought I had was that I was on a date with Austin Powers. Boy was I mistaken. It went down hill from there.
Although I believe in paying dutch when it is a friend thing. This was a date. HE asked ME. I
ended up having to pay for myself. Ok. I could overlook that too. Maybe he was short on cash?
Red Flag. During the movie…and no I cannot remember which movie it was…but I remember the conversation DURING…he asked me for a ********. WTF! I was dumb founded! Was he JOKING?!
Nope. I ignored him.
So after that disaster…and no I am not done…he had to take me home. Not strait home mind
you…he NEEDED orange juice. He stopped at a gas station on the way…left the truck running
outside with me in it, parked out front. Funny thing about them gas stations….is that the whole
front of them is GLASS. I had the viewing pleasure to watch him walk to the back…grab some
OJ…and mosey on over to the condoms. Yes…I said condoms. He then picked some out…and
went and paid. I think my jaw was hanging at this point. I pretended not to know what he was
doing when he came back out. He smoothly put the paper bag into an inside jacket pocket,
opened his oj, and strolled over to the pickup and climbed in. I said not a word. I wanted my
ride home!
Let me tell you…I don’t lose my temper much, but Blue got the full force of it that night, just as
soon as he pulled into my driveway. I have never seen nor heard from his *** again. Good
riddance!