Thursday, April 27, 2006

Shaggin' Blue...not

My worst first date was about 3 years ago. I still remember the details clearly however, like it was yesterday. Prior to the first date, we met at my old digs out at the state line. The name there has changed, as the owners have…but the name it USED to go by was Kelly’s. It was a hick bar… (Yes I own up to going there!) and the best bar in the area assuming you could tolerate country music. Anyway, I am not here to sell the bar to you. What happened was AT the bar. I met a supposed gentleman there, and I use the term lightly now…unlike then, when I didn’t know better. I will not stoop to use names in this, so I will continue on and just call him BLUE, as this was the color pickup he drove. Blue approached me in the bar, seemingly sober enough, and after a few dances, and a few drinks bought by him, acquired a phone number to call me for a real date. Reasonable request by all standards, as far as I was concerned. The night ended, and we went out separate ways.
That was the information on how we met. NOW…I didn’t hear from Blue for three months after
that night, until out of nowhere, I got a phone call. Glory be!! It was Blue! Supposedly he had
been out of town and busy the last few months with the construction business he was working
for. (Turned out that he was working the site down the road from my work) No biggie. It wasn’t like he was obligated or anything. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and a date and time was
set for the “Real First Date”.
That Saturday, it was decided that we would hit a movie, and go from there. Normally movies are poor first date material in my opinion, but ok…we had already met. My first hint that this wasn’t to be a night to remember was the license plate on his truck. It read “SHAGGIN”. Oh no!! I believe the first thought I had was that I was on a date with Austin Powers. Boy was I mistaken. It went down hill from there.
Although I believe in paying dutch when it is a friend thing. This was a date. HE asked ME. I
ended up having to pay for myself. Ok. I could overlook that too. Maybe he was short on cash?
Red Flag. During the movie…and no I cannot remember which movie it was…but I remember the conversation DURING…he asked me for a ********. WTF! I was dumb founded! Was he JOKING?!
Nope. I ignored him.
So after that disaster…and no I am not done…he had to take me home. Not strait home mind
you…he NEEDED orange juice. He stopped at a gas station on the way…left the truck running
outside with me in it, parked out front. Funny thing about them gas stations….is that the whole
front of them is GLASS. I had the viewing pleasure to watch him walk to the back…grab some
OJ…and mosey on over to the condoms. Yes…I said condoms. He then picked some out…and
went and paid. I think my jaw was hanging at this point. I pretended not to know what he was
doing when he came back out. He smoothly put the paper bag into an inside jacket pocket,
opened his oj, and strolled over to the pickup and climbed in. I said not a word. I wanted my
ride home!
Let me tell you…I don’t lose my temper much, but Blue got the full force of it that night, just as
soon as he pulled into my driveway. I have never seen nor heard from his *** again. Good

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