Smart Girl

Though this was many years ago I still call it a bad date.

I was 16 and it was the mid 80's. Cutest guy...... saw him at all the "cool" parties and places. Wow, he asked me out.

We were downtown and I felt so special until he said "Don't walk beside me, walk behind me"

Well I did even better. I walked down the stairs to the subway and went home.

I think that shocked the hell out of him, loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jabba the Putz

This story is entirely true! I had been talking to this guy via an AOL chatroom (I know I was pathetic) and he seemed nice although he stated he didnt have a picture of himself but described himself as tall, blonde with a couple of tattoo's. Normally, I am not caught up in appearances as I think personality is more important, so I didnt really press the issue of not knowing exactly what he looked like.

After talking for a few months, we agreed to meet up and go catch a movie together. I live in the North bay area and he lived in the East bay, so I told him I would drive over there and pick him up at his job and we would go to the movie theater from there. So I drive an hour and a half over to where he worked, keep in mind I STILL dont know what he looks like, and walked into the store (he worked as a manager for a retail store) and I went up to the counter and asked if ...... was there. The guy behind the counter looked suprised and went to go get....... who was in the back room.

When ...... finally came out from the back room and I saw him for the first time, I wanted to RUN out of there. This guy weighed about 500 lbs. He was HUGE! But stupid me was too polite to haul ass out of there in front of his co-workers and embarrass him so I waited politely as he grabbed his stuff and got ready to leave the store, meanwhile his coworkers were joking around with him that I was his hot new girlfriend. I stood there totally self conscious and embarrassed.

THEN, after placing his immensely huge body in the passenger side of my car, which took awhile since he had to move the seat all the way back and push the back of the seat all the way down to squeeze into my car, we went to the movie theater, and I have to say I was extremely grateful I was in a town where I didnt know anybody.

We got our tickets and went to sit down and personally I hate sitting in the front of the theater because the screen is so big, I have to look up and it hurts my neck after awhile, but this guy was so big, he couldnt make it up any stairs and the front row had seats that allowed the arm rests to come up so he could fit in them so we had to sit up there in the front row.

When the movie trailers started he started getting fresh with me and putting his hand on my leg, which I was suprised since I wasnt even acting interested in him in the first place, so I immediately picked his hand up off my leg and pushed it away. He just laughed a bit at this and put his big sweaty arm around me and this is when I got up, and grabbed my purse, saying I have to go to the bathroom, and walked down the isle and was on my way out the door when I hear this THUD sound and everyone in the movie theatre gasping.

I turn around to see ...... on the floor. It looked like he attempted to follow me down the isle of seats, but got caught in between the row and fell down, and was now stuck down there trying desperately to get up. I could hear all these other people in the theatre laughing and whispering at him, and so I just kept going like I didnt see a thing and walked out of the theater, and to my car, and just hauled ass out of there, leaving him there.

I think that was a pretty mean thing to leave him there, and I felt bad afterwards, but at the time I was so panicked, I couldnt help it.

The (I wish I was) Blind Date...

I've received a number of stories that are essentially the same...boy meets girl (or vice versa) on-line, pics are exchanged. They laugh together, cry together play games together and when they finally meet WTF!! Here's one that happened to yours truly: Same as above, meet online, everythings dandy, pics are exchanged, I walk into the cafe' at the appointed time and...she's not there! Twenty minutes, thirty minutes...still nada. So, feeling dejected, I start the slow walk home...then it dawns on me: It was time-change day! Maybe she forgot to reset her watch in which case she'd be arriving at just about that very moment! So, I rush back to the place, swing open the door and , hooray there she is! She turns, our eyes meet, her mouth broadens into a wide grin and... NO TEETH! no kidding, at least none visible...and needless to say, it was too late to run, so we did sit and have a nice long chat.To be honest I was happy that she had time for all those twelve step programs, pleased that her various chronic illnesses were responding well to medication and darn glad too that we wouldn't have to worry about that pimp for at least 8-12 years. But sadly, we would not be able to see each other again because of (insert hastily made up reason here)..."sigh"

The Packer Fan

Okay, so I was ready to take the plunge. Well, sort of. I was ready to date someone I met on the internet, but not ready enough to pay for a dating site. SO I meet this guy on Yahoo chat. I see his picure. Not a bad looking guy at all. We talk for a few months online, then by phone, and finally decide to meet. Now we live about 300 miles away from each other. He wants to come all the way out to my neighborhood (Chicagoland). I am not comfortable with that, so I tell him I will meet him partway. We meet in Rockford at a steakhouse.

As I wait for him in the parking lot, I hear him. His 91 Cavalier is dragging the muffler and part of the bumper with it as it exits the expressway. I wonder if the could really be him. After all, he told me he is a sports journalist for the newspaper in his hometown. I assumed maybe he had either a newer car or access to a bungee cord to tack up any parts of his car that are dragging. But the car pulls into the lot and he gets out. I know it is him by the face, but I am stunned, because although he ASSURED me that he was taller than I am (me=5'5"), he was 5'2" at best. He walked up to me, smiling, which was probably not wasy for him to do, considering he was in his Green Bay Packers jersey and khaki shorts. And black socks with black gym shoes. I would have been embarrassed in that get up. But there is no accounting for some people's taste I guess.

I sucked it up, stuck out my hand (waaayyyy out) and said "Hi, I'm *****" he walked right past my outstretched hand, looking for an embrace, and said "Hey baby".

OH WAIT.

Where did that voice come from?

He sounded like a Keebler elf. Which made sense considering that is about how tall he was. But that is not what he sounded like on the phone. I was musing over this as I peeled him off of me. Then he kept talking. I kept waiting for him to stop. I thought maybe he was kidding. Nope, that was his real voice. WTF, was he disguising it on the phone??

I suggest we go into the restaurant, claiming to be hungry, actually figuring that the sooner we start this date the sooner it would be over. He turns around...and there is HAIR...

People let me tell you.

His crewcut was neatly trimmed. He had a clean moustache/goatee combo.

He had hair 6" LONG sticking out of the top of his shirt. Greasy. Nasty.

eeewwwwwwwww.

We go in. I try to make it pleasant. I try to look past it, thinking, OK, we have had nice conversations before, I can't let what he looks and sounds and dresses like deter me.

In the middle of dinner he pulls out a picture of himself and a much older lady. I ask if it is his mom. He gets offended and says no, it is his late fiancee. I ask him why he is showing me a picture of his late fiancee and why she looks like his mother. He explains to me that they were engaged the year prior but she had died of cancer before they could marry. And in case I ever came to his house and saw pictures of her all over, he just wanted me to know why. I thought the story was sad. I also thought that he was not over her yet. I further thought that she really DID look like his mother. Lastly I thought the day I set foot in this guys house...would be the day hell would freeze over.

We finish dinner, he gets a look in his eye and asks what I want to do. I suggest we sit at the park across the street. We park our behinds on a park bench and talk. In the middle of a conversation, he rolls himself on top of me and starts kissing me. I push him off and ask what the hell he is doing. He says he figured that's what I wanted to do. I told him he figured wrong. Then he got all put out and said that he did most of the driving and that he was thinking he'd get a hotel room for us. I told him to have a real nice time in that hotel room, but I was going home.

The NERVE!

Do you know he emailed me the next day and wanted to know when we could get together again??