Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The Packer Fan

Okay, so I was ready to take the plunge. Well, sort of. I was ready to date someone I met on the internet, but not ready enough to pay for a dating site. SO I meet this guy on Yahoo chat. I see his picure. Not a bad looking guy at all. We talk for a few months online, then by phone, and finally decide to meet. Now we live about 300 miles away from each other. He wants to come all the way out to my neighborhood (Chicagoland). I am not comfortable with that, so I tell him I will meet him partway. We meet in Rockford at a steakhouse.
As I wait for him in the parking lot, I hear him. His 91 Cavalier is dragging the muffler and part of the bumper with it as it exits the expressway. I wonder if the could really be him. After all, he told me he is a sports journalist for the newspaper in his hometown. I assumed maybe he had either a newer car or access to a bungee cord to tack up any parts of his car that are dragging. But the car pulls into the lot and he gets out. I know it is him by the face, but I am stunned, because although he ASSURED me that he was taller than I am (me=5'5"), he was 5'2" at best. He walked up to me, smiling, which was probably not wasy for him to do, considering he was in his Green Bay Packers jersey and khaki shorts. And black socks with black gym shoes. I would have been embarrassed in that get up. But there is no accounting for some people's taste I guess.
I sucked it up, stuck out my hand (waaayyyy out) and said "Hi, I'm *****" he walked right past my outstretched hand, looking for an embrace, and said "Hey baby".
OH WAIT.
Where did that voice come from?
He sounded like a Keebler elf. Which made sense considering that is about how tall he was. But that is not what he sounded like on the phone. I was musing over this as I peeled him off of me. Then he kept talking. I kept waiting for him to stop. I thought maybe he was kidding. Nope, that was his real voice. WTF, was he disguising it on the phone??
I suggest we go into the restaurant, claiming to be hungry, actually figuring that the sooner we start this date the sooner it would be over. He turns around...and there is HAIR...
People let me tell you.
His crewcut was neatly trimmed. He had a clean moustache/goatee combo.
He had hair 6" LONG sticking out of the top of his shirt. Greasy. Nasty.
eeewwwwwwwww.
We go in. I try to make it pleasant. I try to look past it, thinking, OK, we have had nice conversations before, I can't let what he looks and sounds and dresses like deter me.
In the middle of dinner he pulls out a picture of himself and a much older lady. I ask if it is his mom. He gets offended and says no, it is his late fiancee. I ask him why he is showing me a picture of his late fiancee and why she looks like his mother. He explains to me that they were engaged the year prior but she had died of cancer before they could marry. And in case I ever came to his house and saw pictures of her all over, he just wanted me to know why. I thought the story was sad. I also thought that he was not over her yet. I further thought that she really DID look like his mother. Lastly I thought the day I set foot in this guys house...would be the day hell would freeze over.
We finish dinner, he gets a look in his eye and asks what I want to do. I suggest we sit at the park across the street. We park our behinds on a park bench and talk. In the middle of a conversation, he rolls himself on top of me and starts kissing me. I push him off and ask what the hell he is doing. He says he figured that's what I wanted to do. I told him he figured wrong. Then he got all put out and said that he did most of the driving and that he was thinking he'd get a hotel room for us. I told him to have a real nice time in that hotel room, but I was going home.
The NERVE!
Do you know he emailed me the next day and wanted to know when we could get together again??

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