Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Hygenist (...like pulling teeth)

Here's my bad date story...not as bad as many on your site, but still
funny.

So I am just a few years out of grad school and working up on Capitol
Hill in Washington, DC just basically enjoying the dating sceen. Well,
being a relatively normal guy I go to the dentist every 6 months like you're
supposed to. Now I have been going to this dentist since the dentist's
dad owned and operated the practice, and he and my parents were good
friends.So now dentist's son runs the practice and we are good friends (which
always made going to the dentist weird since, who doesn't hate going, even
when the dentist is your bud).
All of my dentist bud's hygenists are relatively young and basically
all knockouts (really...I swear, not an older or unattractive one in the
bunch).Since dentist and I are friends, they all sort of know me as well
and we all would sort of platonically flirt when I came to the office
(either for an appointment or just to grab my friend to get a beer). But on
this dental appointment, there is a new hygenist whom I do not know...and
she is smokin'! Now I've got a thing for red-heads, and dentist and all his
hygenists know this so they are chatting me up while I'm having my
teeth cleaned (like I can chat back in that scenario!?) about new red-headed
hygenist who they notice me checking out. So I make it a point to
start stopping by dentists' office on a very regular basis for a few weeks,
and after not too long ask her out. Her, prodded on by my hygenist
helpers, is eventually expecting this and agrees to a date.
Now, I want to make a good first impression. So I make sure my prize
possession (my Corvette...yes, I have plastic crates holding up an
ancient TV, but spent every dime to drive a Corvette..typical young stupid guy,
I know) is washed, waxed and cleaned to go pick her up. I find it a
little off-putting that she lives with mom and dad, but she's young twenties
and DC is an expensive town so no big deal. Except when I get there dad,
apparently a Coast Guard officer, proceeds to spend 10-15 minutes
literally grilling me like I am taking his 16 year old daughter out as opposed to
his fully grown adult 24 year old daughter...was I supposed to salute when
I left? So, not off to a great start, but this can easily be overcome.
I have made reservations at a great tapas restaurant near Chinatown
(Jaleo...anyone from DC, go there, its awesome). I quickly find out
during the drive that this girl is either really reserved or really nervous,
because getting more than two words out of her is like pulling teeth
(no pun intended). Now I know a couple of people who work for the company that
owns Jaleo, so I have made sure with them that we will get a great window
table. This back then was a hard restaurant to get into on short notice, but
my date is unimpressed and keeps mentioning that she doesn't know what
tapas is and doesn't think she'll like it. Try something new for god's sake, it
won't hurt you. Would you rather I take you to McDonalds...or freakin'
Olive Garden. Well, dinner is awesome, and I think the evening is
going better, hey my date even had two very large sangrias so I'm thinking
she has got to loosen up some. Waiter comes to bring the check..and I don't
know what my friends who work for the company told the people at the
restaurant, but the meal's on them. Now this would normally be awesome...a $100
meal for free! Except I generally carry very little cash (I love my debit
card its just like cash, right), but no check means no bill to run on the
card.I need to leave this waiter an awesome tip since (1) it would look bad
to my date not to, and (2) he was a kick ass waiter. So I empty my wallet of
the roughly $25-30 I had for tip.
Next we go to a comedy club for some laughs. Liquor has still not
loosened my date up and the faces on Mt. Rushmore talk more than her. Park the
car in a garage (BTW...she did manage to find a couple of words about how
she doesn't like low to the ground sports cars), and head in. Comedy club
is great, 3 stand-ups including D.L. Hughley, except...she's not laughing
much, and she thinks its too loud. At this point I'm starting to
wonder..does she have a personality to go along with those looks, does she do something
other than complain. Exit comedy club and head to garage attendant, flip out
my card to pay for parking. Garage only takes cash. I'm out, but no
problem, quickly scan street for ATM machine...none to be found. Nice night so
I suggest a short walk to a pub assuming I will find an ATM along the
way. Date rolls eyes and pulls out a $20 to pay for parking...ouch.
Okay, I'm a reasonably romantic guy...I can still salvage this. I know
from my hygenist helpers back in my friend's office that this girl has
recently moved here from...I'm not kidding, Alaska. I am a native Washingtonian
so I have stashed a small cooler with a bottle of wine and 2 glasses in the
back of the car, and tell her I thought we could stroll the Washington mall
(where the nation's most infamous monuments are) and sit on the grass
and enjoy a glass of wine, and I could be her personal moonlit tour guide.
She just looks at me....sort of bug eyed, and says..."why"? Do they not
date in Alaska! Do they not have personalities in Alaska! Why, because I am
trying to show you a nice evening on the town in a new city!
Okay, no more trying, she has no personality and no manners and is
obviously not into me. Drive home, stop at ATM to pay back cash, she jumps out
of my car...I try to walk her to door to be polite, but she is apparently
worried about Captain Daddy, so bolts to door. Now I admit, not having a lot
of cash...not a good move, but I have never tried so hard to have a
pleasant evening to instead have such a long....painful....dull...experience
with such a beautiful woman who's only speech was to complain. Avoided
friends office for a few months and by the time next dental appointment came
around she no longer worked there. Other hygenists confirm my belief that she
was apparently socially inept...and complained...a lot.

4 comments:

j from arlington said...

What can you expect when you ask a girl out based solely on her looks and hair color? It never would have happened if you'd talked to her first. While the reaction of the others at the office confirms that she probably wasn't socially adept so the fault was most likely with her, when I first read this, my impression was that you came off as arrogant and impressed by material things and status, and she was turned off by that so pulled away from you.

Anonymous said...

Well, J from Arlington, you should know that almost everyone in DC IS impressed by material things and status. I didn't get that impression from the poster at all...I got the sense that he planned a very nice and romantic date that went unappreciated by a scared and inexperienced "girl" (not "woman"). So he likes redheads. Big deal. I only go out with dark-haired men. And good-looking ones at that. -J in Philly

j from arlington said...

I do know, which is why I don't date in regular DC circles. And do you think that's a good thing?? It's the only thing I hate about living here! I quite purposely keep away from that whole yuppie culture. And if she was new to the area, she very well might not have understood it yet. I'm not saying it was all his fault - certainly he did go to a great deal of effort to show her a nice time. And her co-workers' reaction to her seals it...but he did come off as more than a little arrogant and pretentious, and if I were that girl, it would have turned me off immediately. I would have immediately (but politely) made an exit after dinner and probably would have nothing to say to him, which could lead to awkward silences. That was my first impression upon reading this - she had nothing to say to Mr. Flashy. Generally speaking, people aren't flashy in Alaska! And he can date whomever he wants. I'll date anyone I deem attractive but gravitate towards dorky dark-skinned men. But if he doesn't talk to the girl first, how is he to know she's not a loser? If all he knows of her is that he likes her hair color...kinda silly if you ask me.

mary79 said...

I think it sounded like a really nice date. Who isn't a little "pretentious" on a date? We are trying to impress someone with how wonderful we are. The only thing that bothered me a bit about the poster was the comment about the red-head living at home. Hey, it's tough for some of us. I'm a 26 yr old grad student in Chicago. I'm BROKE.