Puker Story #3 (or is it #5?)

My bad date was the once and only time I went on a blind date set up by my friend when we were in our late teens. He was this bodybuilder type, totally arrogant, and obnoxious. In the car, (he was driving), he would crank the music up really loud when anyone would start to converse. All he talked about was his lats, and abs, and quads...and would interupt whenever someone would start talking to someone else about another topic.
Then we get to the bar we were going to. My friends' boyfriend was in the band....so my "date" proceeds to get drunk and he was not a pleasant fun kinda drunk either. He kept grabbing me and pulling me up to dance, when I really did not even want to talk to the guy.....on the way out, (I ended up having to drive home)...he got sick all over the place...down the front of himself, then complained about my driving all the way back to my friends boyfriends' place.
Thank God he passed out and my friend and I took a cab back to her place and I never saw the guy again.
That stands out in my mind, because whenever someone would want to set me up, I would pass....bad bad date.

The Asian Playboy

So a few weeks ago, I went out with this 5"9 blonde, cute but not hot. She drove 90 minutes to meet up with me. We had drinks, dipped our feet in the jacuzzi, good times. We made out a few times too.
And then while we were exchanging qualities we like in the opposite sex (I like adventurous, sexy, affectionate women), she pauses for a moment to think after we kissed and said, "I only date 6"4, 200lb black men."
Mind you, I'm a 5"6, 140lb Asian Playboy.
She realizes what she just said and says, "You're not going to call me, are you?"
"Nope."

Worst Date Ever!

Don't Forget, The true story of The Worst Date Ever will be posted on Valentines Day, February 14th...don't miss it!

The Neverending Date (or Thankyou Uncle Bob)

I once lived in a rather large, cool fun American city and this is my story. One day, out of the blue, I recieved a call from this girl I used to know in my home town. She had hung around, a buddy of mine so by osmosis, I knew her too, but I'd never have called us close, or really even friendly. Anyway, she was coming to town for a big regional meeting and could we get together for dinner? I agreed and plans were made for the date of her arrival a few weeks away. Then, days before her arrival, she calls again , her schedule's changed, she has to be in town a day early but her hotels booked...can she stay the first night at my place...now I should point out that A) I never really liked her that much and B) Nobody is EVER allowed in my place because C) That would mean I'd have to clean up, plus D) Sorry, but on the "Babe" scale she's a solid 3.5...maybe four without my glasses. But I digress...Anyway, stupidly I agree and my fate is sealed!
She arrives, we go out to see the sites, drink too much, back to my place and drink some more.She makes a couple of moves on me and (no kidding) I resist. Anyway, she shows me her boobs and everyone knows that's like catnip to guys so we're off to a night of drunken bonking. Followed by sweet unconciousness.
Dawn breaks. I slowly open one eye, hoping it was all a horrible dream, but no, she's there...no make-up, snoring, with strings of spittle webbed between the top and bottom lip of her open mouth. Fortunately I have to go to work. So I shower, shave , dress and just before I'm ready to sprint out the door, I poke the sleeping beast (no, I mean nudge with my finger) and say "Off to work, call me from the hotel"...Work all day, cell phone stays quiet, great, maybe she wants to forget it too! Take the bus home and...you guessed it, she's still there! Plus, she'd picked up some salady crap for dinner ,was calling me sweetie etc...AND she'd cancelled the hotel so WE could spend more time TOGETHER!! That meant another TWO NIGHTS in my place before her flight left...So, off to the liquor store I went....I'll spare you the details, but the two days dragged, on and on. No matter how late I worked she was waiting at the door, all chirpy and annoying....and no mention of the "meeting"either! Finally, flight day arrives,
once again I nudge her "Off to work" I say "Have a nice Flight!" and dash off to Starbucks where I kill two hours before I actually have to be at work.
Workdays over, I'm so happy to be free that I'm whistling as I open the apartment door and
WTF...she's still HERE! She's POSTPHONED the flight cause she doesn't actually have to be home for TWO WEEKS!! Now I'm nervous, was there even a meeting? Was there really a flight?
Do I really need anything in this apartment or can I just run away and never look back? At that very moment fate smiled upon me...her cell phone rang, she answered and burst into tears... it was her Mom with sad news. Dear old Uncle Bob, her favorite uncle had passed away suddenly and she had to get back home IMMEDIATELY! Heavy with fake sadness, I drove her to the bus station and we parted.... my final thoughts are these THANKYOU TO THE GUY WHO INVENTED CALLER ID AND THANKYOU TO MOTOROLA FOR MY NEW CELL PHONE AND THANKYOU TO MY NEW LANDLORD FOR NOT PUTTING MY NAME ON THE MAILBOX BUT MOST OF ALL
THANKYOU UNCLE BOB!!