Greensleeves

A friend of mine really had the hots for a college girl who worked part-time at the local convenience store. He would make excuses to go in there, just to lust after her. He finally, after a pep talk from yours truly, decided he would summon up the nerve to ask her out. He wore his coolest clothes, got up his nerve and swaggered in (my friend is 28 but this girl was HOT and he was nervous like a 16 year old) He strode up to the counter and looked her in the eye and said "I'd like to buy some cigarettes." She said "Can I see your ID?" He kind of gave a snort/chuckle and at that moment a large "greenie" flew out of his nose and onto her perfectly manicured hand that was on the counter. He turned and ran like hell, never to return again.

A Touching Story

The story goes as follows, we go and see a flick and I pay, we go to the restaurant next door (Charles theatre)as I was offering to pay again for the dinner and she flips her lid In front of everyone there swearing and cursing b/c I simply touch her hand claiming I was "too fidgity"
Fruitcake!
I get up, tell the waiter to cancel my order please (by this time the order had come up but he recognized she was such a tremendous bitch he had no qualms whatsoever) and leave her there...flat.

Herpe (The Love Bug)

I met a guy online and after a couple of weeks we decided to meet. We met at a local restaurant for drinks. WOW! This guy knocked my socks off! He was so handsome, a GREAT dresser, hilariously funny and engaging...! When I'm meeting someone I've met online, I like to keep it casual and short...no long, drawn out dinners...just in case there's no connection and you don't end up spending forever with someone you don't like. Well, let me tell you people, we had such a fantastic time that, not counting a few hours here and there to sleep, shower and change our clothes, our "date" lasted about THIRTY HOURS! We stayed for dinner, then went to a party where I met ALL of his friends. I went home and after only four hours' sleep, met him at his house and drove with him to New York where he had a business lunch. I strolled around town (get this, he offered me shopping money, which I declined) while he met with clients, then we spent the rest of the day there. We drove back home, I went home to change and then he picked me up and took me to the best restaurant in town, where he wined and dined me. WOW! I was SO taken with him I was actually telling people, half-jokingly, that I had met my future husband! And, to top it all off, this guy has a gorgeous house, a beach house, two SUVs, a boat, two jet skis...I could go on and on. AND he sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers the next day saying what a great time he had and he couldn't wait to see me again! I couldn't for the life of me think why he was still single. Okay, so we go out several more times, then he had to go out of town for a few days. Now I'm really lovesick, and can't go without seeing him, so I drive over to his house at about midnight to spend a few hours with him...he had to leave at about 5AM to catch his flight out to the west coast. We're having some wine when all of a sudden he pulls out this Ouija board-which, as a Catholic, made me a little uneasy, but what the hell, he's Catholic, too-and proceeds to "make contact" with a dead relative. Next thing I know, he's crying like a baby. I don't have a problem with guys who cry, but this was WAAAAYYY over the top crying and blubbering, just really weird. But whatever. So we end up going to sleep...no sex, just a little messing around, because I really am a "good girl" and I prefer to wait before taking the big step. So he gets up to get ready for his flight and tells me to stay as long as I want, just lock up behind myself. A few hours later, I'm getting ready to go home, and since I'd slept in my makeup, I was looking for some Q-Tips to clean up my eyeliner, and in the bathroom drawer I find...OH.MY.GOD...a current prescription...for...his...Herpes medicine. Well, that burst my bubble. I was heartbroken. That's just something I cannot deal with, and thank God I AM a good girl, because we came THISCLOSE to having sex the night before. I didn't want him to know that I discovered his secret before he had a chance to tell me himself...I just never returned his calls. :(

Yasser, Thats My Baby, No Sir, Not Just Maybe...

A while back I met this girl online who I thought seemed quite appealing...although she hadn't sent a picture, she described heself as Middle Eastern, a region that has produced, in my opinion, some of the most beautiful women in the world. Of course my imagination was working overtime. After every e-mail I would imagine myself reclining on silk cushions while this exotic, dark-eyed temptress danced around me, peeling off veils to reveal...well, lets just say I was more than ready to draw my scimitar and anxious to meet her in person.
Weeks went by and we were unable to get our schedules to match, however we did grow closer
through IMs and e-mail. I learned she wasn't very tall (I love short women), curvy ( ok, I know that means chubby but sometimes I like that) and a face that she said was "very Arabic". Hey, I saw "The Voyages of Sinbad" and "Alladin" I know Arabic means Hot, Hot, Hot! Yippee...Finally, the day arrived when we could meet, due to parking problems, I was a few minutes late and when I walked in the door I saw her for the first time. Long shiny, dark hair trailed down her back, not very tall, curvy not fat, I smiled and as I called her name she turned to reveal her face...very Arabic indeed. She had the features that I'd seen on a thousand nightly
newscast. For some awful reason, cruel, cruel fate had given this poor girl the face of YASSER ARAFAT! We talked, she was nice, I was nice but ...I'm sorry I know looks aren't supposed to matter but, well lets just say I had no desire to occupy that territory and we parted ways.