Who Doesn't Like A Little Head?.

In a moment of temporary insanity, I decided to join an online dating site. So this guy emails me, and boy, he was totally hot. Young, thick dirty-blond hair, buff...but that was a problem. He was young...like 10 years younger than me. Being a single mom, I'm particular about who I will date. It's not just me anymore, you know. I have to consider who it is I may potentially bring into my child's life. Anyway, he tells me that since he has a eight-year-old, he doesn't see the age difference being a problem. Okay, so we meet. Well, if he hadn't walked right up to me at the restaurant, I would not have recognized him. Yep, he was buff, all right, but his head was not in proportion to his body. It was TINY. The movie Beetlejuice came to mind, with the shrunken-head guys. His cheeks were sunken in. The thick dirty blond hair was actually thin, unkempt and sun-bleached white (I HATE that). No thick, kissable lips like in his picture; his mouth was a thin gash, and he had BRACES. I was still reelng from that shock, when, in the course of our conversation, he admitted that he'd lied about his age. He wasn't 27, he was my age. Anyway, I made it through lunch and mumbled something about possibly getting together over the weekend. Normally I'm really upfront about my feelings if I'm not interested, but I really was just speechless at the whole thing. Later, I emailed him (I know, lame) that I couldn't see him anymore because he had lied. So began his email campaign of totally dissing me, calling me every name in the book and insisting that he didn't lie to me, he just withheld the truth until we could meet in person. And even though I'd told him that I hadn't dated in a while, he kept saying I was trying to pin him as a liar just to cover the fact that I had "too many dates to handle." Whatever.

The Speed Date

I'm a single guy and, due to my job don't get to meet alot of eligible women in my age range, so I decided to give one of those "speed dating events" a try. It was held in one of those large, multi-room, mega bars. Now I should mention that I suffer from just a touch of night blindness and the lights were very dim, so I was lurching up and down a bit (couldn't see the stairs on the multi-level floor) trying to find which room held the event.There I stood , squinting and scratching my head, when I spied two women holding the same speed dating brochure that I had in my hand. Problem solved! They got up from the bar, so I followed. Up some stairs, down a hall, through an open door and...the two women turned, wide eyed with anger and fright...I was in the womens bathroom!
I made my apologies, got some directions and finally found the correct location. The room had been separated into about twenty separate stations (tables) at each table sat a woman and the guys, at two minute intervals, would make their way from station to station until we had all had twenty two minute "speed dates". At table #1, the woman was nice, but no sparks, so I headed to table #2. Sat down and felt a cold ,wet puddle, spreading over my butt...the idiot guy in front of me had spilled a full glass of Jack Daniels on the seat, not cleaned it up and not told anybody! This meant that I spent the next 36 minutes, explaining to 18 women why I had:
a) been seen in the Womens Bathroom
b) was observed lurching around the main room.
c) smelled strongly like whiskey.
d) had a large wet stain on my butt...sigh
Strangely, quite a few women contacted me later...lucky for me I guess things really are desperate out there!

Smart Girl

Though this was many years ago I still call it a bad date.

I was 16 and it was the mid 80's. Cutest guy...... saw him at all the "cool" parties and places. Wow, he asked me out.

We were downtown and I felt so special until he said "Don't walk beside me, walk behind me"

Well I did even better. I walked down the stairs to the subway and went home.

I think that shocked the hell out of him, loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jabba the Putz

This story is entirely true! I had been talking to this guy via an AOL chatroom (I know I was pathetic) and he seemed nice although he stated he didnt have a picture of himself but described himself as tall, blonde with a couple of tattoo's. Normally, I am not caught up in appearances as I think personality is more important, so I didnt really press the issue of not knowing exactly what he looked like.

After talking for a few months, we agreed to meet up and go catch a movie together. I live in the North bay area and he lived in the East bay, so I told him I would drive over there and pick him up at his job and we would go to the movie theater from there. So I drive an hour and a half over to where he worked, keep in mind I STILL dont know what he looks like, and walked into the store (he worked as a manager for a retail store) and I went up to the counter and asked if ...... was there. The guy behind the counter looked suprised and went to go get....... who was in the back room.

When ...... finally came out from the back room and I saw him for the first time, I wanted to RUN out of there. This guy weighed about 500 lbs. He was HUGE! But stupid me was too polite to haul ass out of there in front of his co-workers and embarrass him so I waited politely as he grabbed his stuff and got ready to leave the store, meanwhile his coworkers were joking around with him that I was his hot new girlfriend. I stood there totally self conscious and embarrassed.

THEN, after placing his immensely huge body in the passenger side of my car, which took awhile since he had to move the seat all the way back and push the back of the seat all the way down to squeeze into my car, we went to the movie theater, and I have to say I was extremely grateful I was in a town where I didnt know anybody.

We got our tickets and went to sit down and personally I hate sitting in the front of the theater because the screen is so big, I have to look up and it hurts my neck after awhile, but this guy was so big, he couldnt make it up any stairs and the front row had seats that allowed the arm rests to come up so he could fit in them so we had to sit up there in the front row.

When the movie trailers started he started getting fresh with me and putting his hand on my leg, which I was suprised since I wasnt even acting interested in him in the first place, so I immediately picked his hand up off my leg and pushed it away. He just laughed a bit at this and put his big sweaty arm around me and this is when I got up, and grabbed my purse, saying I have to go to the bathroom, and walked down the isle and was on my way out the door when I hear this THUD sound and everyone in the movie theatre gasping.

I turn around to see ...... on the floor. It looked like he attempted to follow me down the isle of seats, but got caught in between the row and fell down, and was now stuck down there trying desperately to get up. I could hear all these other people in the theatre laughing and whispering at him, and so I just kept going like I didnt see a thing and walked out of the theater, and to my car, and just hauled ass out of there, leaving him there.

I think that was a pretty mean thing to leave him there, and I felt bad afterwards, but at the time I was so panicked, I couldnt help it.