Mr Weeble

Editors Note: i used to work in radio and ALL the on-air personalities are either crazy, hideous, morbidly obese or sometimes all three...you've been warned!
I had a guy friend online who seemed pretty smart and funny. He said he was a DJ at a radio station. We progressed to talking on the phone, and he had a GREAT voice . . . duh, he's on the radio!
We shared our deep, dark secrets and some sexual innuendo. I confessed that I have the hoarding/collecting form of OCD. He confessed at last that he had a food phobia, or an eating phobia. He told me the name of the disorder, but I've forgotten. The best I could understand it was that he had a phobia of solid food and a phobia of eating in public. I was like, okay, haven't heard of that before, but everybody has their something, you know?
Finally, he and I arranged to meet at a town between our two cities, at a restaurant, with the understanding that we would have a beverage and go from there. Oh, by the way, he has seen a photo of me. I have not seen a photo of him. I get there first and sit and wait. When he walks in, (and I am being very kind here) he is grotesque. He is extremely tall and extremely obese, kind of bottom-heavy, like a Weeble (wobble but don't fall down). And OLD-looking. I forget how old he is, but not that much older than I. He looks like he could be my father. He is doughy, with odd bulges everywhere. Everyone looks at him when he comes in. I am mortified and a little bit sick at my stomach that I have been trading leers with this person online and on the phone. At the same time, I feel horribly sorry for him. I can't just get up and walk out. He looks hopeful and is trying, I presume, to look friendly. We sit for hours and hours and talk. He drinks numerous iced teas. I finally am starving and order an omelet after checking to see if that would bother him, to watch ME eat. I am 100% sure that I am not going anywhere else with this person, so we sit and talk and time drags on. Finally I have to excuse myself, as I have some distance to drive home. I tell him it was nice to meet him and, because I feel so guilty/sorry for him, I give him an awkward hug in the parking lot.
I avoid him online and on the phone. He eventually leaves me an anonymous obscene hate message on my machine--I know it's him. The voice!! And I am very, very nervous for months afterward, because my friend tells me that, with an e-mail address and phone number, anyone can find your home address easily.

Brownie Tooth Guy

Thank you so much to a fellow Chicagoan for this tale This was the first date I 'd had since moving to Chicago, six years ago. A stunningly beautiful coworker suggested it and her equally beautiful fiancé set it up at a restaurant downtown. When I arrived, another couple, a guy whose actual job was modeling, and his girlfriend that looked identical to the actress Kyra Sedgewick joined us. I thought, with four people this gorgeous, how can I go wrong? Well, then my date showed up. He came in sporting acid washed jeans and a Bill Cosby Original sweater. Thin as a drowned rat and with hair just as slicked back and greasey, he looked like Nicholas Cage had he been beaten and addicted to a narcotic for the past ten years. When he opened his mouth, the teeth were so crooked they appeared to grow in rows, like a shark. Turns out none of the four actually knew him; Kyra2 and the fiancé just worked with him. Despite the obvious unpleasantness of this first impression, I tried to be brave and give him the benefit of the doubt. As it turns out, he was rude, obnoxious and a moron too. He interrupted conversations, took food from my plate, and twice tried to grab my knee under the table. The date was officially over when he ordered the brownie sundae for dessert. Since he talked and guffawed with his mouth full I got a great view of brownie impacted between the rows. Tried to kiss me in the cab on the way home. The cab driver laughed and said he never saw a bigger dumbass in all his life.

What's Your Story?

Do you have a true, bad date story? Can we have it please? Then your story can join the ranks of such literary pearls as:
"Thankyou For Coming", "The Stain in Spain" , "If the Spew Fits" , "The Speed Date" , or my choice for most embarrassing date, "Stuck On You" . and of course the "Worst Date Ever",! C'mon, you know you want to, so just do it! ( bet you've heard that on a date before) Just send it as an e-mail at baddatesite@yahoo.com or leave it in the comments section below.

Prom Story

Oh....my senior prom...
I went with a boyfriend and we drove an hour to our dinner reservation - which was awful. We had purchased a prom package deal for maybe 100 bucks - virgin drinks, dinner, dessert, a picture. They were out of dessert and the picture was a polariod.
We were late leaving the restaurant so the photographer was getting ready to leave and we had to call a friend to get him to convince the photographer to stay so we could have our pictures made. We drove the hour back - in the pouring rain ( by the way I couldn't even get in or out of his truck without a step-stool).
When we got to the prom everyone was trying to talk to us - asking us if we had heard the news... My date's house had caught on fire!!! We went and had our pictures made and went to see the remains of his house. It was crazy..He was supposed to host the after-party at his house but obviously that had to be changed...yeah, that was a pretty bad night for dating.