Friday, June 23, 2006

Brownie Tooth Guy

Thank you so much to a fellow Chicagoan for this tale This was the first date I 'd had since moving to Chicago, six years ago. A stunningly beautiful coworker suggested it and her equally beautiful fiancé set it up at a restaurant downtown. When I arrived, another couple, a guy whose actual job was modeling, and his girlfriend that looked identical to the actress Kyra Sedgewick joined us. I thought, with four people this gorgeous, how can I go wrong? Well, then my date showed up. He came in sporting acid washed jeans and a Bill Cosby Original sweater. Thin as a drowned rat and with hair just as slicked back and greasey, he looked like Nicholas Cage had he been beaten and addicted to a narcotic for the past ten years. When he opened his mouth, the teeth were so crooked they appeared to grow in rows, like a shark. Turns out none of the four actually knew him; Kyra2 and the fiancé just worked with him. Despite the obvious unpleasantness of this first impression, I tried to be brave and give him the benefit of the doubt. As it turns out, he was rude, obnoxious and a moron too. He interrupted conversations, took food from my plate, and twice tried to grab my knee under the table. The date was officially over when he ordered the brownie sundae for dessert. Since he talked and guffawed with his mouth full I got a great view of brownie impacted between the rows. Tried to kiss me in the cab on the way home. The cab driver laughed and said he never saw a bigger dumbass in all his life.

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