Check Our Archives

Have you checked our archive pages? They're chock full of literary pearls like the rude (but funny) "Thankyou For Coming", also "The Stain in Spain" , "If the Spew Fits" , "The Speed Date" , my choice for most embarrassing date, "Stuck On You" . and much, much more! Also, don't forget to send us YOUR bad date story ,You know you want to, so just do it! (hmmm, bet you've heard that on a date before) Just send it as an e-mail at baddatesite@yahoo.com or leave it in the comments section below. Thanks

The Neverending Date Part 2

Editors Note: This guy needs to meet the girl from This Story.
This happened about a year and a half ago. I was out with some friends at the neighborhood hangout and in walked a guy I had never seen before. Mind you, this is a very close-knit part of town where everyone knows everyone else. This guy was a 6-foot-four-200-some-pound Michaelangelo sculpture in the flesh, I mean hot! And I liked the unpretentious manner he had about him, considering he was so good-looking. A few questions to some of the other locals told me he was 24, from a good, well-known family and had just moved back to the area. Intros are made, we talk a bit and exchange numbers before he left to meet friends elsewhere. He left me one hell of a sexy message at about 5am asking if I wanted to meet for breakfast (it was Saturday night, and we always hang out until daybreak) but unfortunately I already was having breakfast with this other guy I was casually seeing. So we end up getting together a couple of days later, on Tuesday night. We were out very late and I told him he could crash at my house. Well, he did. FOR THREE DAYS. I knew he had to be at work on Wednesday, but for the life of me, I could not get this big oaf to wake up. The entire day I was captive in my house. Although he had cred, was very well-known and I knew I was safe, I still didn't want to leave him alone in my house. He finally woke up at 4pm and went home to shower and change before coming back to watch a movie and order take-out. The next day was Thanksgiving and he went home for part of the day; he invited me to his house for Thanksgiving dinner since work precluded me from making it home for the holidays. Very nice indeed. After dinner we were planning on hooking up with some of my friends back at the local bar. So...dinner time. I bring a dessert (which is completely ignored by the family) and all I can say is that this family is straight out of Jerry Springer. The house was a MESS, everyone was screaming and fighting with each other and ignoring me, seemingly not happy at all that I was there in the first place, there was one relative lying on the couch with an oxygen mask, hacking his lungs up, a 300-lb aunt scarfing the food down with gasping breaths and bulging eyes, cats and dogs chasing each other, pulling a bag of trash around the kitchen...I don't know how I made it through dinner without puking. That was the fastest Thanksgiving dinner I ever had in my life, I think we were at the table for maybe 10 minutes. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Anyway, we get back to my place so I could change into more casual clothes (silly me, why did I get so dressed up for dinner, he asked-ummm, because I was RAISED that way?!). Only after I got changed did he inform me that not going to work the other day meant he didn't get his paycheck...so the evening's entertainment was on ME. Now, I don't mind paying once in a while, but I don't like being ambushed about it. And considering his aforementioned height and weight, it was gonna take a whole lotta drinks to take this one down. So he goes upstairs to use the restroom and I run into the basement to call my friend, telling her to call me in exactly five minutes and to just go along with whatever I'm saying. I HAD to lose this guy. So she calls and I'm like, "Oh my God, I'll be right there!" I tell him my friend's sister was rushed to the hospital and I HAVE TO GO! She needs a ride, and I'll call him later. He's all, no problem, and oh, by the way, he says, "I used the toothbrush in the bathroom drawer, just so you know." I don't know how I kept myself from wetting my pants, because that is the toothbrush I use to scrub my sneakers when I clean them! (Poetic justice?) So I'm feigning rushing around, trying to get things together for the "ride to the hospital" when he finally leaves. I waited until he was out of sight before I rushed out to meet my friends, but at a different bar in case he showed up at the regular one! He proceeded to call my cell phone about five times in the next 30 minutes, not asking about how my "friend's sister" is, but what time will I be back so we can go out? To tell you how nutty this guy is, I come home to find a love letter from him...how I am the woman he has been looking for for all of his life (you're only 24, dude! And you've known me for like, six days!), he wants to be with me every minute of every day and he even has our children's names picked out!!! Give me a break! So I call him and tell him he's going too fast, I need to take it down a notch...long story short, I just stopped taking his calls and now when I see him around, he is really mean. Whatever.

Up Chuck

Although I was a typical sixteen year old my mother's words often came to me in various situations. That was the case when my date, at a Saturday night church dance, an older boy (at least 18) asked me to dance. My Dad had dropped my friend and I off and I had arranged to meet him there. I was horrified because he smelled terrible (like beer and cigarettes) but I remembered my Momma's words "it takes an awful lot for a boy to ask a girl to dance. You should never shoot them down. Always say yes and dance at least once with them." So, much as I felt like bolting I smiled demurely and agreed to slow dance with him. His name was "Chuck." I'll never forget the song. It was "Scarborough Fair." Do you know how LONG that song is? Anyway, he clutches me tight and I thought for a moment he was crying as his shoulders started to heave. It was only when the warmth hit my neck that I realized the drunk bastard had puked on me. Hey, Ma, thanks for the advice.

Love On The Red Line

So Friday, I'm on the train reading a book. A hot guy and his brother get on the train at the Woodly Park/Adams Morgan Station and sits behind me. Hot guy taps me on my shoulder, asks me what I'm reading. We compare books.
Mine: true crime; His: some study guide book.
He tells me that he's a high school teacher (which I love-such an admirable thankless job) and he's studying for some exam he has to take later that evening. He tells me that he's fine with math and science, but the grammar section is killing him. Well, I MAJORED in English and tell him that so and I sit next to him and give him a crash course in grammar 101. I'm so engrossed in helping out this gorgeous teacher man that I MISS my stop at Metro Center but don't care. He gives me his number and makes me promise to call him later that evening. We get off at Union Station and I am in such a good mood that I sashay right into Nine West and blow my entire paycheck on several pairs of "do me" heels.
Now, completely out of character for me, I call him later that night (just to find out how his exam went) and the smooth-talker that he is convinces me to meet him at a club later that evening. I'm a bit concerned about the age difference (I'm 24, he's 31) but I let it go. Now, I've got pairs and pairs of brand-new "do me" heels that are DYING to be worn and I don't really have any other plans, so I put on a sexy black dress and my sexy black heels and I meet him.
FIRST problem: he's shit-faced by the time he arrives. He's loud and abrasive and a completely different person from the guy I've met earlier on the train. He gets on his phone and calls everybody and their mother, telling them that he's on a date with a beautiful woman. He calls one friend and says some very raunchy stuff about how sexy I look in Spanish...completely unaware that I minored in the language and understood every dirty thing he was saying.
SECOND problem: he buys me a drink, introduces me to his cousin and then abandons me for fifteen minutes after we're inside. I'm left sitting at the bar with his MUTE of a cousin who refuses to look me in the eye but wouldn't stop staring at my tits.
THIRD problem: he comes back with a plate of food and shovels chicken and rice in his face like a starving Somalian. I'm thinking he hit a blunt in the bathroom and got some major munchies and I'm blown because he didn't even offer me some.
Meanwhile, his cousin disappears and the guy next to me, seeing what a miserable time I'm having offers to buy me a drink. Well, my date is too busy stuffing his face to notice so I accept. Nervously, I begin to play with a ring on my left hand and begin moving it along my different fingers. My date finally looks down at my hand when the ring happens to be on my "ring" finger.
He asks: "Are you married?" I say, "No." He says..."It's okay if you are. I mean, I am, too. But it's all about having a good time, you know?"
Wonder-fucking-ful.
I turn my head to the guy next to me and mouth "He's MARRIED!!!" The guy shakes his head and slides his drink over to me. Without even asking what it is I swallow the entire glass, thank him, kiss HIM on the cheek and leave the bar. I ended up going upstairs and having a pretty good time anyway and somehow wound up at iHop at 6 in the morning with a bunch of Africans. How do I keep getting myself into these dumb situations?