Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Love On The Red Line

So Friday, I'm on the train reading a book. A hot guy and his brother get on the train at the Woodly Park/Adams Morgan Station and sits behind me. Hot guy taps me on my shoulder, asks me what I'm reading. We compare books.
Mine: true crime; His: some study guide book.
He tells me that he's a high school teacher (which I love-such an admirable thankless job) and he's studying for some exam he has to take later that evening. He tells me that he's fine with math and science, but the grammar section is killing him. Well, I MAJORED in English and tell him that so and I sit next to him and give him a crash course in grammar 101. I'm so engrossed in helping out this gorgeous teacher man that I MISS my stop at Metro Center but don't care. He gives me his number and makes me promise to call him later that evening. We get off at Union Station and I am in such a good mood that I sashay right into Nine West and blow my entire paycheck on several pairs of "do me" heels.
Now, completely out of character for me, I call him later that night (just to find out how his exam went) and the smooth-talker that he is convinces me to meet him at a club later that evening. I'm a bit concerned about the age difference (I'm 24, he's 31) but I let it go. Now, I've got pairs and pairs of brand-new "do me" heels that are DYING to be worn and I don't really have any other plans, so I put on a sexy black dress and my sexy black heels and I meet him.
FIRST problem: he's shit-faced by the time he arrives. He's loud and abrasive and a completely different person from the guy I've met earlier on the train. He gets on his phone and calls everybody and their mother, telling them that he's on a date with a beautiful woman. He calls one friend and says some very raunchy stuff about how sexy I look in Spanish...completely unaware that I minored in the language and understood every dirty thing he was saying.
SECOND problem: he buys me a drink, introduces me to his cousin and then abandons me for fifteen minutes after we're inside. I'm left sitting at the bar with his MUTE of a cousin who refuses to look me in the eye but wouldn't stop staring at my tits.
THIRD problem: he comes back with a plate of food and shovels chicken and rice in his face like a starving Somalian. I'm thinking he hit a blunt in the bathroom and got some major munchies and I'm blown because he didn't even offer me some.
Meanwhile, his cousin disappears and the guy next to me, seeing what a miserable time I'm having offers to buy me a drink. Well, my date is too busy stuffing his face to notice so I accept. Nervously, I begin to play with a ring on my left hand and begin moving it along my different fingers. My date finally looks down at my hand when the ring happens to be on my "ring" finger.
He asks: "Are you married?" I say, "No." He says..."It's okay if you are. I mean, I am, too. But it's all about having a good time, you know?"
I turn my head to the guy next to me and mouth "He's MARRIED!!!" The guy shakes his head and slides his drink over to me. Without even asking what it is I swallow the entire glass, thank him, kiss HIM on the cheek and leave the bar.
I ended up going upstairs and having a pretty good time anyway and somehow wound up at iHop at 6 in the morning with a bunch of Africans. How do I keep getting myself into these dumb situations?

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