Sunday, January 21, 2007

Icebreaker?

I went out on a blind date with this guy to the movies. After the date, we were sitting in his car in my driveway. He went to kiss me (I so didn't want to kiss him!) but he missed, we bumped heads instead. That was actually a funny moment in a crappy date. We talked for a bit more and then all of the sudden he starts asking me all these sexual questions. I half answered them because I really wanted to get out of the car but I didn't want to be rude. All of the sudden, he digs around in the backseat and whips out a video camera. He asked me to make a porn with him because he knew the date wasn't going well and he thought that would be an ice breaker. I swear, that is what he said! I was stunned so I didn't answer him right away thinking it was a joke. Then he started taking his shirt off and turning the camera on! After that, I didn't really care if I was rude or not and told him to shove his camera and make a porn by his damn self. Needless to say, there was no second date.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Shoe Guy

There was hot guy who used to bring his mint condition 1970 Cutlass 442 through the car wash where I and a friend worked (VERY upscale, we worked the registers inside)and he asked me out. Man I was excited, he was hot, had a good job, about 5 years older. I wore this cute little black dress with black hose and black stilettos.
All night long he stared at my feet. Hah, I thought, the shoes always get 'em. We sat together at a restaurant, I crossed my legs, and he was sort of stroking and playing with my calf and ankle. Everything seemed to be going well. When we left, we headed to the lake and parked and were talking. Then he leaned over and said "Let me see one of those shoes". Well, ok, sure why not? I handed it to him.
He proceeded to put it on his groin and grind it against his very "at attention" tool, until it looked like he got what he was after. Then he handed me my shoe back, took me home, and drove off. From the moment he took my shoe until he dropped me off at home I was SPEECHLESS!! I'd never heard of a shoe fetish before so this was totally new to me. I didn't know whether to throw my shoes out or offer them a cigarette.
He asked me out a few more times but I always declined, and I'd hide under the counter when he'd bring his car in for a wash. I told everyone at work and he rapidly became known as the Shoe Ef'er.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

The Hot Ticket

I once went on a blind date (friend set me up) with a man that ended up being old enough to be my father. i was horrified, but he was nice and I didn't want to be rude so we went to dinner and had a couple of drinks.
When we parted ways for the night he tried to get me to go back to his place and this is the line that he used (and yes, he was serious). "Baby, I think you are a real hot ticket. I have been thinking about making love with you all night long. I think you and I could be great together but you need to know that I have herpes. I don't like condoms but I like oral sex... I like to give it and I like to get it... but I won't use condoms".
At that point in the night I just laughed my *** off and got on the bus to go home.
I am not friends with the person that set me up on that date anymore btw.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

This Date Had Her in Stitches

It was the second and last date I had with this guy. The first date was AMAZING, but then the second one just went....wrong...so wrong...
It all started when I decided to wear these new earrings I bought. They are gold and dangling...very pretty. But definitely meant to be taken off before messing around...and probably meant to be worn with hair that it up and tied tightly into a bun, not down.
We went to dinner then headed back to his place to watch a movie and hang out. We ended up on his bed and started fooling around...but my hair got stuck in my earrings and was all over my face and I couldn't see a thing. His mom walked in, my shirt was unbuttoned. When I tried to get up I tripped over my shoes and fell into the television..it didn't break, but I got a cut on my head from something sharp and had to get stitches later. All the while his mom is just staring at me laughing.
I chose to walk home.